2008 is History...

My last post was about the terrible blasts and terror attacks in Mumbai. This post too starts off referring to a blast in Mumbai but this one was fun. I’m referring to the blast I had with my closest friends on my birthday. Spending such evenings with friends is one of those few things which make life worth living.

A friend wanted to gift me a collage of my favorite snaps and it’s only then I realized how lucky I was to have a problem on hand which was most welcome. It was almost impossible to select just a few snaps coz I have so many wonderful people in my life! I had to spend two full days going through my albums selecting and sorting snaps. It also took me down memory lane reliving some of the best moments in the recent past. The collage was a brilliant idea and one of the best gifts I have ever received. It’s on the wall behind my work desk and one of the first things I see every morning.

As the year draws to a close it’s time to look back and take stock of all that happened during 2008 which will soon be history.

The year did start on a promising note and everything seemed to be going perfectly well. Economies were chugging along at a good pace, stock markets were up, crude oil prices was on the boil, gold was scaling new heights and real estate was soaring. They say things in the financial world go wrong when least expected and that’s what happened. The fall was as dramatic as the rise. Millions of investors lost their shirts, pants and everything else. If we had nude beaches in India they would be full of investors! Some of them even ended committing suicide. They blamed it on futures and options but the logic was far simpler. If we dare to look too much into the future it is only natural that we see our death.

For those not interested in the financial world there was a lot happening outside of it as well. Michael Jackson had changed everything a human can possibly change. He had already changed his gender and skin color. This year he changed his religion and name. I am curious to know what else he can change!

Nothing gives me greater joy than seeing the arrogant fall and the debacle of Aussie cricket was the stuff dreams are made of. This was paralleled only by the fall of arrogant honchos of the financial institutions in the US who had all along bragged they were the best.

Our sporting achievements were noteworthy and people in the country learnt that we also play sports other than cricket! Our politicians though were not sporting enough. Corruption is spreading like gangrene, fraudsters, murderers and anti social elements continue to rule the roost. We continue to live in a ‘demon’cratic society.

Film goers finally seem to be tired of watching the same old (getting older) Shah Rukhs and Amitabhs. There’s a new and wonderful crop of film makers, singers , musicians and actors. AK has been crowned the new king though.

On the personal front it has been a great year too. I have travelled like never before and indulged like never before. Should now start convincing myself that the treadmill at home is not an investment in iron and steel but a device used to keep one healthy. I have outdone Hrithik though. I started learning Spanish before he did but am not sure if I will finish it before he does. He has the motivation of Barbara Mori while I have to fall back on the hopes of a look like when I do visit LatAm / Spain!

I'm glad I started this blog (thanks to the encouragement by a friend I met on a flight from Bangalore to Mumbai). Not so glad though that I have slipped my weekly blog update sked last month. Hopefully I don't repeat that too often in the New Year.

Made some great new friends lost some but the tally at the end of year is positive. I plan to track down some long lost friends and colleagues in the coming year and hopefully also get back the ones I’ve lost.

In conclusion, I can only thank God for a year about which I have very little to complain. I have had a great time and my message to whoever reads this is - you haven’t lived, if you haven’t lived it up.

Take care, and best wishes for a rocking 2009 to everyone out there.

Lessons learnt?

Last few weeks have been very busy and I haven’t been able to update my blog. I was planning to do it on thrusday but watching the terrorist attacks on telly has consumed most of my free time.

There have been so many bomb blasts and attacks lately that we are unfortunately becoming numb to such events. As our impotent government looks on helplessly the only phrase that comes to mind is “what cannot be cured must be endured”.

The way the powers that be crooned about the attacks being so well coordinated and about the excellent training the terrorists had received it felt as if our forces would be better off learning at the terrorist training schools than our own!

Our Home Minister is a very confused man these days. He was last heard asking why people are demanding his resignation when all the attacks were in hotels and not at home.

The English cricketers have called off their tour because of terrorism. They feel they have been terrorized enough by the Indian team in the first 5 ODIs. They found the perfect excuse to hide their tails between their legs and rush back to UK.

I told some friends that on my up coming birthday I want to take them out for dinner at a five star hotel. All of them refused and want to call in food from pizza hut!

Thankfully, I just heard that the mayhem had stopped and the siege had finally ended. With so much of terror around us and so much of telly coverage I wont be surprised if someone starts a channel called Terror TV sooner than later.

Reports trickling in indicate that more lives could have been saved, both civilian and those in uniform, had the helmets and bullet proof jackets not been of sub-standard quality. I suppose we could not provide them with those simply becoz corrupt officials had siphoned off the funds or the government had used them to fund our mission to the moon!

However, there are two positive takeaways I see from all of this.

One, some of the snooty (read celebrity) south Mumbai residents who would consider terror attacks as something that happened to others have now been welcomed to the real world. They will hopefully be more sensitive to the pain of the less fortunate sections of the society.

Two, we learn to live and enjoy life in the present. I have always found us to be a nation full of people taking ourselves and our lives far too seriously. We plan too much for the future and harp too much about the past. In the process we sacrifice the very present for which we have worked so hard. This is a wake-up call telling us once again that if we have things on our mind we want to do, sentiments we want to share, relationships we wish to mend, places or people we want to visit…lets do it right now. Tomorrow could well be too late.

Moon Moon (In)Sen

I caught up with the Minister who approved India’s mission to the moon.

Me:
Sir, don’t you think our country has better priorities to spend the millions of dollars you spent on the moon mission? I mean like eradicating poverty, providing water and sanitation, rural education and health care etc …

Minister:
You people will never understand.
We have to do something bold and new.
All those things you have mentioned we have been doing them for over 60 years now.
They are so boring. Don’t you want to do anything new?

Don’t you realize we have done something which only a handful of nations have done?

Me:
But sir, they are all rich nations!

Minister:
You have answered yourself. Now that we have spent millions of dollars on the moon mission doesn’t that automatically make us rich?

Me:
But sir, our farmers are committing suicide.

Minister:
You and your ‘butt’.... cant you see the big picture for a change?

Me:
Sir, hundreds of children are dying of malnutrition.

Minister:
There you go again. Didn’t I say look at the big picture?

Me:
Sir, Terrorists are killing thousands of innocent people. Don’t you think we should spend on catching these killers?

Minister:
I said look at the big picture. Do I have to spell it out?

When all these people who die go up..... can you imagine their pride and joy when they see the Indian flag flying on the Moon?

Aren’t you proud of being an Indian?

Me:
Yes sir, Thank You sir.

Minister:
Jai Hind

Singlehood

About six months ago I got a mail from a wonderful human being and a great friend with the subject ‘Singlehood’. It was a short mail with a few lines. It said:

Would like to know, how is life as a single person Vyne?
On that question, bye for now....you'll have reams to write.
I am all ears!

This post took a long time coming and is especially for you my German/Swedish speaking friend.

The moment I read the word singlehood it brought a smile to my face and I was tickled. I had heard of bachelorhood but singlehood was new and for some reason had a ring to it like Robinhood!

An international research once revealed that married men live longer than single men. What the research also revealed but is never publicized is the fact that married men are more willing to die than single men! I suppose that sets the tone for this post.

‘Single’ is one of the earliest forms of marital status or should I say the first form, for we all are born single. In the good old days there used to be just two forms- Single or Married. Then came the technically sound forms like Engaged, Widowed and Divorced.

That wasn’t enough, ‘Separated’ and ‘Estranged’ were added to make things clearer (to whom, I still don’t know).

Generation next proved to be more creative than anyone had imagined. They came up with another status – ‘Committed’ (I find that funny cause it makes it sound as if once you are married your are no longer committed! Sign of times?).

Gays and Lesbians started coming out of the closet and asserted their rights. One more status was born ‘Same Gender Partner’! As living-in became more common another marital status was born and being with a ‘Common Law Partner’ came into existence.

So, from having two forms to begin with we have ended up with so many that we now need a separate form to fill in the different forms of marital status.

Having come this far, the original, the one and only status of being single continues to be the most coveted. It’s difficult to generalize life as a single person because what counts is what you make out of your status. A single person living like a married one or vice-versa makes no sense. Similarly, what constitutes making the best out of one’s status is also quite subjective.

Before delving into the pros and cons of being single what I find interesting is the reaction people around you have during the various ages/phases/stages of being single. To begin with it is not taken seriously as every girl or boy starts off by saying that she or he doesn’t want to get married.

When you are nearing 30 and continue to play the same tune you receive some serious attention. Do you have anyone in mind? Is the question you have to answer repeatedly. If the answer is ‘No’ then these days parents begin to worry whether you are gay or lesbian! A few more years and the din around marriage dies down and near and dear ones replace persuasion with hope.

In your late 30s your married friends who are already past the honeymoon phase of their marriage and grappling with kids, in-laws, unwanted relatives et al tell you how lucky you are. By this time some of them have already been through a divorce and are eagerly ready to join the ‘single again’ club. Divorced guys who were lecturing about doing the right things at the right time have eaten their words and continue to maintain a brave front claiming that the timing was right but the person was wrong. Yeah right!

Around this time is just about when you begin to introspect about the pros and cons of being single. Being single or married are both wonderful phases of life and make no mistake, I have nothing against marriage. It’s just how life pans out for each of us and how we are able to adapt to the changes they bring in. I have seen some amazingly successful marriages and some pathetic bachelors.

Coming to the pros of being single the biggest luxury it affords you is that of choice. You can pick and choose the people who you want to associate with and do not have to mingle out of social compulsions. This for me is a priceless luxury. Everything else is collateral benefit.

‘Bound by freedom’ is a phrase which every person who is single swears by. Freedom to utilize you resources be it time, effort or money is an amazing feeling. It’s an addiction which gives you a high like no other. Once you are used to being the God of your own world it’s very difficult to give it up. Spice this with mobility and you have a fail-safe formula for living life on your own terms.

The practical benefits at a micro level include not having to fill all those additional forms and details when you travel or apply for visas! You also discover that married men and women confide in you very willingly and respect your objective views on various issues.

Nothing makes you stronger than living alone. You discover the real ‘you’ and are more independent than anyone who is married. You are strong enough to cry on your own shoulder and can also offer one to the needy! The biggest benefit though of being single is how you learn to love yourself (pun absolutely unintended!).

At a macro level you also contribute to the population control of a country like India:)

Having said all of that it still isn’t a cake walk being single in a country like ours. It’s yet far from being accepted. Although it is ok for men it is really tough for single women. A single woman is still perceived as being single out of some compulsion than out of choice.

The joy of having your own kids is something which every person who is single will miss at some time or the other but then, to really enjoy kids they don’t necessarily have to be yours, do they?

Respectability in society for a single male is still not at the same level as that of a married person despite the fact that the married man could be a wife beater or a child abuser. A certain degree of suspicion still haunts singles in this country. Most of it probably revolves around the misconception that singles don’t get their share of physical intimacy. That was probably true a few decades ago but today most singles are blessed with physical intimacy that far exceeds that derived by their married counterparts.

In conclusion, I would just add that confirmed bachelors may never become a majority but we would be kidding ourselves if we ignore the fact that almost half of those who are married are just living together under the same roof.... more as singles than as a couple. That my friend is one of the saddest facts of present day life.

Members Only

The festival season is drawing to a close and I am glad that guys in my complex have done a great job this year. Despite all odds we celebrated Ganesh Chaturti, Dusshera and Diwali in style.

My favourite was the Ganesh Chaturti celebrations. The sense of sanctity of the idol which was installed in our complex was by far the best I saw this season. In my opinion the main reason was the simplicity and focus on the lord and not the decorations which at many places have become like an arts and crafts exhibition. I also don’t remember seeing eyesore causing banners anywhere around. Even the music played didn’t have too many filmy songs devoid of devotional content.

My wish for next year is that we totally get rid of all filmy songs and instead give an opportunity to the budding talent in our complex, be it children or adults, to sing devotional songs throughout the day.

It’s been three months since our last general body meeting and I could hear hushed voices talking about the next meeting. These were from the major benefactors of these meetings. I know you are speculating who these members might be. Hold that thought coz I am not referring to any members. I am referring to the housekeeping employees who are the beneficiaries of the samosas, sweets and tea left over after the meeting. They felt a meeting was overdue!

It is very easy to call for our general body meeting. The agenda items always remain the same as our darling builder makes sure that nothing ever gets done and on the rare occasion it gets started it remains half done.

One of the perennial items on the agenda is that of the progress made by Mahanagar Gas. Their contractors are a wonderful lot. During monsoon nature doesn’t allow them to work and during other times it is not in their nature to work. The piped gas is sure to remain our pipe dream for a long time!

In the grand scheme of things they say everything in life serves a purpose. I find it so very true every time I enter the elevators. Our lift men are a grim reminder to our children of what happens to people who don’t get good education. Seeing lift men every morning can put the fear of God in them and make them study seriously.

Our security guards are in a class of their own. They are so great in arranging and distributing mail that I often feel they are postmen working under cover as security guards. They can be great talent for the FBI or the CIA.

The maintenance team employed by the builder gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘preventive maintenance’. They work as if their brief is to prevent maintenance. Their sense of intuition is amazing. They are never in sight when most needed and appear every other time.

Initially I used to wonder why buildings in the complex were named after precious stones. Now when I see Blue Diamond the answer is so clear. Blue Diamond is one of the rarest of diamonds and very few jewelers have even seen one let alone possess it. Similarly, our Blue Diamond too is very rare. It falls under the category of work-in-progress forever! I hope I live to see the day it is completed and handed over to its owners.

As for the other stones they too spell luxury. Our builder is very honest. When he promised us luxury apartments all he was trying to say is that this will be a place where even basic amenities will be a luxury.

The fact that we have been duped will be formalized in due course by the share certificates which will be issued to all of us!

Whilst I made a mention of the festivals which were celebrated by the members I forgot to mention about an initiative taken by some of the women who live here. This group had arranged for the 'Art of Living' courses to be conducted for us. It was well intended but I thought a bit unnecessary for people living here.

As I understand the 'Art of Living' basically teaches you breathing control techniques, patience, alertness and a general sense of well being associated with a healthy mind and body. The collateral benefit of staying here is you get to practice all of those for free and they are provided by the agencies which work around this place.

As you leave the complex and go outside the stench of garbage teaches you how to hold your breath for long durations. We don’t need any additional breathing exercises. Walking from the building to the main gate finding your way around randomly dug up areas and bending down to go within the car park makes us very alert and our body supple. Add to that the dodging of water leaking from the lobby ceiling and we will soon have perfectly flexible bodies and alert minds. Waiting for electricians and plumbers to turn up and repair things has taken my patience to levels considered impossible for human beings.

Do we really need to learn the 'Art of Living' when we have almost mastered the 'Art of Suffering'?

'Glow'balisation of Diwali

I was planning to do a post on the ‘Glow’balisation of Diwali as many of my friends living abroad call me and wish me Diwali the day they see lights and fireworks around their city, be it far away London / Canada or nearby Dubai. Sadly, the events in the financial markets around the world have made it a Globalisation of Diwala this year.

This Diwali the retail sector is worried about their sales of consumer durables. I’m worried about the bigger question, is the consumer durable? Those investing in the financial markets with the dream of having enough money to buy some property are now left with the prospect of having money which can only get them a proper tea!

You will probably see newspapers screaming Black Friday, Kaali Diwali etc. This once again makes me think about black being used for anything bad, sad or depressing! Recently there was a program ‘We The People’ on NDTV discussing our bias towards fairness in skin tone and why we should not discriminate against dark skinned people. Whilst there is no doubt that I agree with this I also believe that such discrimination is something born out of our own learning / teaching.

We are taught to think of black as being bad in most scenarios....what do we think of when we read the words Black Mail ....Black Magic....Black Sheep (in the family)...Black Friday (bomb blast)...Black Money....(the list can be endless)? Don’t we overtly and subliminally learn to associate the color black with something evil...bad...etc? This feeling then percolates into our behaviour when we meet black (skin color) people.... the first impression is of suspicion. Do we have to blame ourselves or our teachings or the English language itself...??

Even sports have not been spared of this preference. Take chess for instance, it’s always the white pawns which get to make the first move and when sportsmen mourn they always wear a black band!

Be it black or white, discrimination has always been a grey area! Grey also reminds me of the moon this week. India’s first unmanned mission to the moon had a successful lift off. I have never seen more misplaced allocation of resources in our country. The mission aims to find out if there is water on the moon and take pictures of the moon’s surface. I wish they had spent the money on finding water in our country where millions don’t have water to drink or wash. As for the pictures of the moon's surface one just needs to take pictures of the eastern express highway near my house which is full of craters which even the moon will be proud of.

Wishing everyone a Happy Diwali and prosperous new year may sound as misplaced as our mission to the moon but then the phrase “Its darkest before dawn” also comes to mind!

'Virtue'al Reality

When I wrote my recent post titled ‘The Thrill’ I never expected to encounter someone who would perfectly prove the point I was trying to make.

She’s young, she’s charming, she’s educated and she comes from a very well-to-do family. It was her mom’s birthday last Sunday and it would be quite normal to expect her to be in a D&G or DKNY Tee, Levis jeans, sporting a Gucci bag and shopping for a gift or with friends trying to organise a party at a happening place.

She was with a few friends alright but doing exactly what she was not supposed to and the joy on her face was unmistakable. She was working on a Sunday, garnering support for an institution which helps senior citizens who either have no one to turn to or still worse, have been abandoned by their kith and kin.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon for me but a busy one for her. She wanted to do her best coz her effort that day was to be dedicated to her mom on her birthday.

The moment Komal started speaking I could sense the genuineness in what she was saying. My reaction to such institutions and people has over time been clouded by the things I have read and heard about them. In most cases these turn out to be fronts which are created for embezzling funds from innocent citizens. I was willing to hear her out but not before subjecting her to some scathing remarks. I told her that I find working for an NGO becoming more of a fashion statement than a social service these days. I also wanted to know how long she will continue to do this work and how much of what she does actually reaches the people. Bottom-line was that I wanted to ensure it was not just the case of a pretty face charming her way into garnering some charity.

I asked what prompted her to take up work with the institution. She endearingly replied by saying that she already had two earning members in her family and this allowed her the luxury of taking up such a job. Komal also mentioned that she had learnt a lot by seeing the way her parents treat her grandparents.

If this sounds like a testimonial for Komal, you bet it is. We need more young people like her to work for the cause of senior citizens. We seem to live in times when we religiously do pooja to our cars and machines on Dussehra and shamelessly forget to worship those who gave us birth and sacrificed their joys just so that we have a good future.

In the coming weeks I will endeavor to fix up a meeting between Komal and Nihira (an accomplished singer and my Spanish teacher) to try and organize a small musical evening at the old age home Komal works with. Nihira has already agreed to sing for this worthy cause and I need to coordinate with Komal the possibility and logistics of such an event. When this happens be sure to read a post about it. Adios for now.

The Star Cast

No uniform, no timings, no attendance and no set schedules. This is the kind of school you go to when you 'want to' learn as opposed to when you 'have to' learn!

Classrooms have come a long way since I last went to school. Blackboards have become whiteboards and the chairs are more evolved and modern. There seems to be a place for everything and you soon realize that technology has come a long way.The one thing that hasn’t changed though is the smell of a brand new text book and the excitement of learning something new!

My “second” first day at school had just started. I collected my book and took a seat in the first row. Actually I could also call it the second last row coz there were only two rows! My teacher occupied the chair facing me and started by saying that the Spanish language has 30 alphabets as opposed to the 26 there are in English. (Over time I will wonder whether they really need that many alphabets as every other word seems to be starting with letter E). She then went on to teach me the pronunciation of the alphabets and my first reaction was “I’m glad my name is not Rajesh”. Since J is pronounced as K in Spanish I wondered if Rajesh becomes Rakesh. Of course, my own name is complicated enough even in English let alone Spanish!

At this point I think I should introduce you to the star cast of Academia de Espanol. The flexi timing hasn’t given me the opportunity to meet all the students and teachers but I would categorise the ones I have met into - The Super Two and The Magnificent Seven!

The Super Two is made up of Dinesh and Vidya. They are the wonderful husband and wife team who started and nurtured this academia into what it is today.

Dinesh is the more dynamic and enterprising soul. Being an extrovert at heart he effortlessly establishes a rapport with everyone around him. What sets him apart from his peers is his genuine desire to ensure that all his students learn as much as possible. For him it is much more than just about collecting fees and increasing the bottom line of the business.

The exuberance and effervescence of Dinesh is perfectly tempered by his level headed wife whose parents have aptly named her Vidya (meaning knowledge). She is the calming force in the academia. If you ever wondered how an institute of learning can feel homely then visit us when she is around and see for yourself.

Now that we know The Super Two lets move to The Magnificent Seven!

Nihira is first on the list because she is the one who started teaching me. If there is a perfect “the girl next door” personality it has to be her. Confident and patient she never gets tired of my questions and whenever I get flustered she just says “don’t worry you’ll automatically learn it”. Very few people can emote as effortlessly as she does. Her face is an instant reflection of how she feels about anything, be it surprise, confusion, disinterest or joy. It’s as if her face is a live TV of what goes on in her heart and mind. She is quite popular among her students. Oh yes! I just learnt that she is also an accomplished singer. Now I have the perfect excuse if my Spanish ever goes awry. Singer se Spanish seekho gay toh yehi hoga:) Just kidding!

Jenny plays the double role. She is a teacher cum student but what she likes most is cracking up! She just needs an opportunity to start that hearty laugh of hers. If she continues to laugh this way she is sure to lead a long healthy life. Being helpful and approachable is something which comes to her very naturally.

Mahalakshmi is the name of the goddess of wealth but in our midst all she wants to be is goddess of subjunctive! I feel she is the most methodical of them all, sometimes far too methodical. She is extremely focused and has a strong personality. She takes time to open up but once she does she can be good company.

Eesha is someone I have seen in class just a couple of times but enough for me to gather that she can be very simple or extremely classy with equal ease. She comes across as a very choosy person and also likely to be the first to get scandalized.

Mrinmai looks just like one of those dolls you see in the display window of a toy store, devoid of any blemish. The best label on this petite soft spoken girl would be FRAGILE! She is the one I’m totally scared of going close to. I’m scared she might fall apart if I do so much as even breathe a bit heavily! She said her name means “from the soil” but looks more like she crash landed on earth from up there!

Sonu too is a petite girl. People see her loooong hair as her striking feature. I see it more like a wick to the dynamite that I think she can be. She uses her small frame to her advantage by being extremely agile, active and energetic.

Last but not least, we come to the serene and knowledgeable Jayant (Natu). When I see the effort taken by him (post retirement) to come all the way for learning Spanish I'm convinced that he must really love the language. Don’t be misled by his quietness. The depth of his knowledge is something we all want to benefit from.

P.S.

Views expressed above are solely that of the author and may not be subscribed to by the teachers or students except when it is in their favour!

None of the individuals mentioned above are fictional and resemblance, if any, to fictional characters is purely coincidental.

Names of individuals have not been changed intentionally in order that they are exposed to all the accolades they might receive.

The Thrill

Be it a vice or a virtue, doing things one is not supposed to be doing gives the maximum thrill in life. When we go to school we are thrilled by the idea of going to college. Similarly, when we are teenagers in college it’s a thrill to work and earn your own money!

Right now I’m supposed to be pushing papers behind a desk, pleasing my boss, preventing mishaps in the office, planning for my future, preparing for mid life crisis and pondering about life in general. If I add up all these ‘P’ words they result in another ‘P’ word called Pathetic. In short, I’m not supposed to be going back to school and that’s exactly what gave me the thrill when I went back to school! Now, a friendly warning to those of you who are thinking of smart-ass questions like “I’m not supposed to punch you so shall I punch you?” or “You are not supposed to be jumping off a cliff so why don’t you?” I already have a smart-ass answer for all those kind of questions. Well, you are not supposed to be asking such questions but you do get a thrill out of asking them don’t you? Ok…I can see you smile!

So back to school it is and I thought I should start this post with a picture of mine from KG class - the first time I really went to school! This is by far my best picture to date :) and if you have not seen this before…. try to spot me and if you are right I promise to buy you coffee and cookies! A big clue would be to say I was the teachers pet. Come to think of it I have always been my teachers pet.... through out my school, college and even while I was doing my CA. However, I don’t think I can claim the same from my Spanish teacher coz I keep asking her the stupidest and silliest of questions and trouble her a lot. It's almost like de..tras de [it's Spanish but read that in Marathi and you’ll know what I mean!].

Zaraland!

From the time I first heard Baccara to the last time Julio sang my ears have always loved the sound of Spanish beats and the language. I also love the accent with which Spaniards speak English. At the back of my mind Spanish was something I always wanted to learn and my recent sabbatical gave me the perfect opportunity to do exactly that.

I started dreaming about a wonderful long holiday in Latin America and Spain where I could speak fluent Spanish. I saw myself seated in a rustic Mexican restaurant confidently rattling off my order of favorite dishes in Spanish! Suddenly there was loud honking and I opened my eyes to the traffic jam in front of Andheri station! The sights and sounds of LatAm had been cruelly replaced by the sights and sounds of auto rickshaws, bikes, cars, buses and every other conceivable noise in the world.

I was on my way to Academia de Espanol my third stop and final attempt to find a decent place to learn Spanish. For a city like Mumbai which is much touted for the endless opportunity it offers my experiences that morning were disappointing. My first stop at a place called Language Lab in front of Bandra station was a total disaster. I was sure that if I enrolled there I would also have to enroll into an anti-depression clinic within a weeks time.

The second stop was in Bandra again at a place called Instituto Hispania. It looked like a decent outfit but I found it to be too rigid. Spain/ LatAm as I know them and as compared to the rest of Europe / North America are quite laid back places. These are places with jolly good fellas wanting to have a jolly good time in life. I also got to see a few students coming out of their classes and they looked too serious to be learning Spanish. When you learn a new language you must feel like you are having fun more so with a language like Spanish. Their timings too didn't suit me. I was left with no choice but to head to distant Andheri.

I arrived at Academia de Espanol around 1 p.m. and met Mr Dinesh Govindani the man behind the institute. I had visited their website and knew that he was a native of Canary Islands before relocating to India. He welcomed me and asked me why I wanted to learn Spanish. After hearing that it was my love for the language plus my plans of travelling to that part of the world he made me feel like I had come to the right place. He briefed me about the course content and I immediately confessed that although my English was not bad my theoretical knowledge of English grammar could only be described by an unprintable adjective. I liked his positive response to this when he asked me to look at the bright side. “You get to learn Spanish and brush up your English grammar for free” he quipped. The thing that impressed me most was the total flexibility as regards timings and frequency of attendance offered at the institute. I was to travel to Bangalore that week and told him that I would most probably be starting after that trip of mine.

Circa Aug 2008, I was back from Bangalore and decided to take the Spanish plunge.

It’s Sept end and I’m almost one month into the course. It’s been an interesting time and in my next couple of posts I’ll try and give you a glimpse of my experiences, my classmates, my teacher et al. It’s Adios until then.

Wrong Term Investor

The current financial earthquake in the world cannot be measured on the Ritcher scale. The only scale to measure it would be the ‘Richer’ scale which is showing every investor poorer than he or she was a few weeks back.

The reason for this is not hard to find. Investors may call themselves short term or long term investors but in the ultimate analysis over 95% of them are just wrong term investors. Being successful in the stock markets is as easy or difficult as going to the gym to lose weight. We all know that it is easier to lose weight than maintain it. Similarly it is much easier to make money than to hold on to it. It is incredible how the question the ‘aam’ investor always asks (irrespective of a bull or a bear market) is - ‘what to buy’? Nobody ever asks ‘What to sell’?

Short term investors become long term investors when the markets go up. They cannot control their greed for making more until the market collapses and once it crashes below their cost they hold on in the hope that they will make up the losses in future! Long term investors invariably end up selling too soon for fear of price crashing. However, when they see the prices continuing to rise after they have sold they cannot resist getting in again to make a quick buck knowing well that the party has to end sooner or later. The party invariably ends sooner than they think it will.

Investors may all have the knowledge, the skills and the brains to make money in the markets but sadly only a minuscule have the discipline to withdraw at the right time. Be it life in general or the bedroom in particular the inability to withdraw at the right time is what leads to maximum pain!

The stock market like the underworld is easy to enter and almost impossible to totally get out of. The best thing to do is to learn discipline more than learning to read Balance Sheets. Discipline in the market for most part consists of having the patience to sit on cash and more importantly the wisdom to cut your losses rather than wait in the hope that someday you might get lucky!

Wife in a Metro

After the “Men in Pink” post I thought guys should get a break! So here goes…

A friend of mine cited the indiscreet comments made by Jaya Bachchan as a perfect example of how wives can put their husbands in a spot. He wondered about the kind of dressing down (pun absolutely unintended) Big B would have given her following the ruckus created by her comments. Now you know how this post was born!

Wife in a metro I hear is so very different from the girlfriend in a metro. When you are her boyfriend all she does about you is brag, brag, brag but once a wife its goes nag, nag, nag. I find this phenomenon extremely contradictory. On the one hand, by marrying you she trusts you with her entire life but on the other she doesn’t trust you to do even the smallest of tasks. When her husband embarks upon any task the first reaction of the wife in a metro will be to presume it will not be done properly. If this makes you think she is a pessimist, think again. Women are much smarter than guys give them credit for. This is no back handed compliment it’s just that she knows the secret joys of pessimism which I recently read. It said “The nice part of being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proved right or pleasantly surprised.”

The grammar change is another intriguing side to the wife in a metro. She always talks in future tense before marriage but post marriage the ‘wife speak’ suddenly changes to past tense. The husband is constantly reminded of all that transpired in the past. Helplessly grappling to deal with all of this the husband ‘bechara’ mentally gets rid of the past and the future and just gets tense!

Though there are many more things which change dramatically after marriage there is one affliction that remains with a woman all her life. These are the two biggest problems every woman has. One, no place in the cupboard and two, nothing to wear!

Despite all of this I have extreme gratitude to all the married women. If it was not for them my married male friends would have never envied the 'single' me as much as they do now ! So here’s a big 'Muchas Gracias' to all you married women out there. To show my gratitude I’ll throw in a helpful tip as well. Remember what Ching Chow says “ The faults a man finds in his wife is probably the reason why she couldn't find a better husband”!

June 9, 2008

This post is a letter I had written to some of my friends exactly three months ago. It's a short summary of a special graduation ceremony I attended on the 9th of June 2008. As many of my friends liked that mail I decided to post it on my blog today and celebrate 90 days (and counting) of glory!

Since I came here (Calgary) all the way from India to be present at her graduation ceremony...it is only proper that I dedicate this mail of 9/6 experiences to Brinda!

She thought we were all making a big deal out of it...but when the ceremony got underway and her name was called... the noise made by the cheering and clapping convinced her it was a big deal :-) She also loved it when they were all told to wave to their friends and family in the audience, as an appreciation for all the support they received in achieving their academic goals.

We kept teasing her all day yesterday that she was the hottest chick in town....the one who made it big with looks and books! My nephew (Brinda's darling hubby) could not help joining us and this would certainly be one of the happiest days of my life...yeah I’m beginning to get a bit sentimental.. well...that's me I suppose.

We got up that morning brimming with anticipation. Gautam was the first coz he had to go to work and could only take the afternoon off for his wife's convocation. The rest of us got up later and were discussing what time to leave and who is to iron their clothes next! The special girl got preference and her new dress was crisp and ready in minutes. We left the house at 12.30 and reached the University grounds by 1 p.m. The ceremony was to start at 2 p.m. and we could see that students were busy getting their gowns and parents/friends busy clicking some warm up photographs. We found decent seats and settled down. There was this big book ....Class of 2008...which had the names of all the students who were getting their degrees that day. We browsed through it and bang on time the ceremony started. It was a grand parade of the faculty coming up the stage and then the students who looked awesome in their gowns taking their appointed seats. Such orderly conduct could have been matched only by a military parade! A band was playing at the back and the whole atmosphere was one of joy and achievement. One could see the unmistakable pride in everyone present there. THE MOMENT had arrived. Parents, Friends, Grandparents (some in wheel chairs), mentors et al waiting for their loved one to come on stage and receive their degree(s).

Our gorgeous young lady was sitting right in the front coz Doctorates were the first to be awarded followed by the Masters and then the Under Grads....[ and yes in that outfit she did look like one of the Harry Potter characters:-) ]

This was my first convocation outside India and it was a pleasure to see the efforts taken by the University to make it a very special occasion. Everyone there had someone who was an achiever and as the ceremony started people cheered each and every student who came to get his or her degree. Some had even managed 2 degrees and a few medals to go with it! Our darling came on stage with her signature springy walk and when she was presented with her doctorate ...at 28 she was probably one of the youngest to achieve that distinction in the University of Calgary. We were busy cheering and clicking photographs and it was a moment dreams are made of...it was a moment I wouldn't have missed for the world...

My message to everyone is..... if you ever get a chance to visit the graduation ceremony of a loved one don't miss it....these are moments that remain with us forever....these are the moments which make life worth living...

It is sad that back home we are so consumed by the academic rat race that we fail to take a few moments and savor the achievements of those who have worked so hard for it...I hope some day we will celebrate academic achievements as much as we celebrate weddings. Personally I consider a convocation one of the most important and joyous moments...even weddings come a very distant second...after all marriages may break or fail but your education stays and enriches you forever...

On that note this is me signing off from Calgary and getting ready to fly back to Mumbai coming Sunday!

Men in Pink

Lately the Chauhans seems to be grabbing my attention. A few days back it was Sonal from the movie Jannat and this time its Anuja Chauhan. Anuja has just released a chick lit book called The Zoya Factor. (“Chick Lit” is a term used to denote genre fiction written for and marketed to young women). While launching the book she specifically mentioned that though it is a chick lit book she would welcome men as well to read it!

Her statement set me thinking. Do men really need an invitation to read stuff meant for women? When I look around me I see them more interested in reading that kind of stuff than they would like to admit!

Although the term convergence is primarily used to refer to technological advances in television, telephony and the internet there is another kind of convergence which is silently taking place. It’s the gender convergence in our society. It’s more seen than spoken about. Men are beginning to sport long hair, wear jewelry, visit parlors, get makeovers…some even love to cross-dress but let that be! Women too love riding bikes, getting wild tattoos and basically do stuff which used to be in the domain of men.

Human behavior in places like lounges, lobbies and waiting rooms are worth noticing. Such places usually have a small collection of newspapers / magazines and turn out to be wonderful places to observe people, especially men! I am often amused how most men would reach for a women magazine say a Femina, Women’s Era etc. If there are people around then it is attempted as discretely as stealing documents from the CIA. If the lounge is crowded then men already reading these magazines will try and swap it for a business or current affairs magazine as soon as possible. I don’t know why men fall shy of accepting these facts of life. One of reasons could be that such indulgence in chick lit materials is often observed as a passing phase in a guy’s life. The end of this phase results either from the satiation of the curiosity element or those attempting to understand women by reading or listening to what women read or listen to just giving up! With the advent of FM radio and the Internet more boys/men seem to be tuning into the just-for-women radio stations or logging into Sunsilk gangofgirls.com which is supposed to be ‘for girls only’!

Gender convergence cannot be classified as good or bad it’s just a part of the evolution of social behavior. What stands out though is the fact that men often seem to be more apologetic about doing things only girls are “supposed” to do whereas girls take pride in doing the “guy thing”. Men would love to spend hours watching Victoria’s Secret or La Perla on Fashion TV but ask them to go and buy some lingerie for their partner and almost all of them will chicken out. Only a fundamental shift in the male psyche can bring about any meaningful gender convergence and as long as you hear even one person say “don’t cry like a girl” instead of “don’t cry like a baby” be sure it hasn't happened.

Balls

If you are expecting this to be some sleazy post I’m sorry to disappoint you. I am referring to golf balls.

A friend recently emailed me some testimonials titled “Think Before You Speak” One from a lady read as follows:

“I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking guys working at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls”

This was the first time I learnt that they also have separate golf balls for women!

A cousin of mine recently invited me to his golf club and it was the first time I visited one. To get a hang of the game I also tried my hand at driving and putting a few “buckets”. Before I visited the course I thought golf was a boring game. After spending an hour at the course I was convinced it was a boring game. But I do concede that it is not as easy as it looks.

Golf enjoys the distinction of being the only sport where your status is suddenly elevated by just paying for a golf club membership or buying some expensive golf gear! You don’t even have to know how to play the game. Have you noticed the air of pride and superiority people exude when they declare they play golf or just plan to do so?

Statistically speaking 50% of people playing the game are in such a bad shape that this is the only game they can actually play. 45% are those who are into it purely due to peer pressure, snob value or by virtue of free corporate membership. Only 5% consists of those who really understand and enjoy the game!

Those who are out of shape claim to get excellent exercise while walking on the greens. I find this very amusing. When I see the pace at which they walk, the only thing I see happening is overweight Homo sapiens suffocating the fresh green grass. I wonder how great an exercise it is when you don’t even carry your own clubs. You either have a caddy or still worse a motorized cart! Half these guys can’t even bend down to take the ball out of the hole! On the contrary, the spectators get more exercise than the players simply because they have to see the ball being hit and then scamper to try and catch the action when it hits the ground.

At best it is a great excuse to get away from your nagging spouse and have a few rounds of intoxicants with friends.

My conclusion: I love Golf!

Surprised? Well, not the sport but the enterprise behind the sport. If I ever wanted to be in a business it would be selling golf gear and accessories. Golf is the only sport in which the number of accessories by far exceeds that required in military warfare. Add to this the fact that it is a sport in which accessories are perennially either lost or broken and you have a fail safe business. Gullible wealthy individuals dying to be skimmed of their fortunes makes for a great customer listing. Long live Golf.

P.S. I am sure to incur the wrath of all my golf loving friends. I do have an escape though. I’m going to tell them that they all are part of the 5% who genuinely know and enjoy the game!

Newsy Week

I have been more or less a home bird during the past few days. I got a chance to catch up with news on the telly which ranged from interesting to hilarious.

Pakistani cricketer Mohammad Asif’s 'B' sample has also tested positive for dope. They said he is planning to appeal. Personally I think he will be better off suing the company making those performance enhancing drugs. I mean, despite taking the drug we hardly saw any enhanced performance from him during the IPL!

There was good news from the Olympics yet again and the whole country was celebrating except the ATS (Anti Terror Squad). They were a worried lot with medals coming from Shooting, Boxing and Wrestling! Vijender Kumar is a disappointed soul though despite his bronze medal. Bipasha Basu had promised him a hot date if he got gold! I wonder what might make Sonal Chouhan go out on a date! If you don't know who she is check out the heroine of the movie aptly named Jannat!

Yesterday was one of those rare occasions when one saw Ratan Tata fretting and fuming. When Lord Amarnath could not enjoy peaceful possession of land allotted to him in J & K it is not surprising that mere mortals like Tatas are having problems with land allotted to them. Seeing the hundreds of protest banners its easy to understand how mamata got her last name "ban(n)er"jee! However, it is not easy to understand how Ratan Tata intends to solve the issue. Instead of long drawn negotiations the best way to solve the problem is to call the car 'mamata' instead of 'nano'. This is sure to placate her and massage her ego. Come to think of it the nano does have many similarities with mamata. Its small, its cheap, its for the masses and it’s a bit roly-poly as well! A few dents and bumps once its on the road and it’ll be a perfect match!

It’s the weekend afternoon and I’m off for the Gokulashtami celebrations. With loads of goodies to hog and a muffin tummy to avoid its not going to be an easy task.

Notional Express Highway

Who says politicians don’t live up to their promises? I vividly remembered one such promise when I was travelling on the Eastern Express Highway last night. We were promised that rural and urban India would be integrated and that promise was being fulfilled even as I was approaching Vikhroli.

The highway was in tatters with potholes easily outnumbering any vestiges of a road. This stretch of alleged road had the potential to induce labour pains even in women who are not pregnant. Half the express way is accident prone and the other half is full of mini speed breakers warning about the other (accident prone) half! Potholes play the role of special effects.

Combine the above with water cuts and power cuts and very soon our city would be truly integrated with rural India.

We have “celebrated” 61 years of independence with not even 61% of our people having food, shelter and education they deserve. When we got independence democracy was being touted as government of the people, by the people and for the people. All I have seen so far is government of the politicians, by the politicians and for the politicians.

After our loss in the test series our cricketers were expected to go all out in the ODI’s. I hear they just went and got all out! The team however believes that it’s not their fault. When Dhoni went from India the message he had for them was that everyone back home was complaining that as a nation we only think about cricket and do not concentrate on the Olympics and various other sports. It is now learnt that we lost because our team was doing its best to concentrate on the Olympics and other sports.

On the positive side the festive season has started and I'm eagerly looking forward to meeting up with friends and family as a part of the celebrations!

Air Travel

I’ve been travelling a lot lately and last week has truly been fun filled. I travelled down south to meet a very close friend of mine.

I reached the airport in the early hours of Saturday and all the newspapers were screaming that the health minister wanted to make homosexuality legal. I had just finished my security check and the way one is frisked these days I thought homosexuality was already legal in this country!

It just struck me that on numerous occasions this minister had been at loggerheads with a leading film star about his on-screen smoking. The star has recently announced that he would give up smoking. A conspiracy theory came to mind….is it possible these two have some kind of a secret deal? One agrees to give up smoking in return for homosexuality being made legal? You know what I am talking about right?

My flight took off a few hours after the scheduled time and people seemed so famished that even airline food was welcome. The one thing I love about airline crew is their ability to use the limited space they get to move and serve. Ever noticed how skillfully they get the food out of the galley and load them back when they clear your tray table? I suppose being slim is a professional requirement and these people are perfectly suited to live the ‘match box home’ city life.

If you cannot control your urge to eat sweets you must taste the dessert they serve on flights. It is sure to put you off sweets for a few weeks at least. The one thing I like though about airline food is the after mint. Airline catering is run by smart people… the food is invariably lousy but the after mint is always so nice that it hardly ever leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Compare this with those fancy restaurants on the ground where food can be fantastic but when it comes to after food mouth fresheners they are the worst.

Since I am on the subject of airlines I must say how pissed off I was that my late night return flight was delayed by over two hours without any announcement. Instead of calling it JetLite I think they should rename it to JetLate. The one thing that hasn’t changed in a long time is the in flight security procedure announcement and the effect it has on passengers. The moment they hear the words “ …krupaya hamare karmachari par dyaan de..” most men take it as a license to start ogling at the airhostesses. Shame on all you men…cant you find someone better to stare at? Airhostesses these days look so terrible. Even the item-airline Kingfisher seems to be having problems getting quality staff!

At the airport I also overheard people discussing the pathetic performance of our cricketers in Sri Lanka. I’m hardly surprised. Senior players who should be retiring shamelessly continue to be in the team and young players who should be playing are resting. The one thing you cannot blame them for is consistency. We have been consistently losing all the crunch games.

On the positive side we had some heart warming news as well…he’s young, he’s talented and he’s handsome too…no he’s not superman..he’s Abhinav Bindra…on second thoughts though I think it won’t be wrong to call him our sports superman of the year! He’s the shooter but it will be the pretty girls who will be gunning for him now:)

Independence day and Rakhi…we have two wonderful days to celebrate and for a change I saw one of the cutest Rakhi ads I’ve ever seen. It’s the Vodaphone ad.on TV. It’s perfectly executed and the bro and sis in the ad couldn’t have acted any better. Don’t miss it.

Our General Body Meeting

It has been pouring the last few days leaving absolutely no scope to move out and get something concrete done. We’ve just had our General Body Meeting and it seemed like the perfect time to document my own account of the meeting.

Having a roof on your head has always been considered a sign of security and safety. Hence, when the venue of the General Body Meeting was the first floor car park I was glad there would be no problems of braving the rains or the sun. The truth however was far from it. Even as I walked around the first floor of the car park I was greeted with a POP ceiling which threatened to fall on me anytime. I victoriously got past this danger but my celebrations were dampened…literally…by the 100s of drops of water leaking from the ceiling.

“Good Morning and welcome to the Phase II General Body Meeting” said the speaker. They say you have to go through various phases in life….for me Phase II has been the most painful one so far….it all started way back in 2003 when Rahu, Ketu and Shani in my horoscope must have conspired to make me book an apartment in Phase II….more on that some other time…for now let me stick to the proceedings of the meeting.

The minutes of the previous meeting were discussed and the meeting progressed. Members raised a lot of questions, some symbolic and some agitated…. visibly more out of frustration than anything else. The formation and registration of the society was revisited and the need to collect funds for maintenance beyond the initial contribution was communicated to the members.

It was brought to the attention of the members that the car park in which we were having the meeting was an illegal structure. The merits and desirability of bringing down the illegal car park was also discussed. I thought to myself…. “no need to discuss this issue, because seeing the way it has been constructed it was likely to fall on its own in a few years time”.

The issue of dog menace too was discussed. Personally I don’t have a problem with dogs per se but yes I do have a major problem when members start treating stray dogs as pets and pets as stray dogs! Terraces, Staircases, Building lobbies and car parks are all being used as toilets for pets….we truly live in “forestland” and members devoid of any civic sense are ample proof of it. The only hope is some day a member gets a pet tiger which likes dogs.

On the sidelines, some members also discussed the absence of a compound wall enclosing our buildings and how other complexes had clearly demarcated compound walls. Once again I said to myself “compound wall?….why do we need a compound wall?...people build compound walls for the safety and protection of something cherish able…all I see here is perishable!”

Maintenance or the lack of it was also a matter of concern as the builder had reduced the number of people employed for it. Members complained of leaking walls, ceilings, lobbies et al. Water seemed to be present everywhere it is not supposed to be! I recently received an email from a friend which said that the Jog falls had overflowed after 12 years. I don’t know how true that is but am pretty certain that our overhead water tank will overflow for the next 12 years!

In the meantime the attendance register was being circulated and everyone was signing it…the more I attend these meetings the more I’m convinced that one of the major reasons for people to attend is their belief in the saying…“dukh baantne se kum hota hai.”

We were two hours into the meeting and already running late. It was time for some Samosa and Tea. Based on the proceedings at the meeting I started seeing the Samosa and Tea less as a snack and more as a metaphor for the only things we seemed to have control over in this housing complex.

Gradually the meeting was drawing to a close and the final question was about our lawyer and the level of satisfaction with his work so far. In general lawyers have a reputation of believing in ‘give and take’….you give and they take. I hope for our sake this one is different.

The meeting concluded and even as I walked back home the imposing structure of the unfinished ‘Blue Diamond’ was in sight. No matter how big or high we go, what’s the point if we are colorless and empty? The incomplete building surely bears mute testimony to the sorry state of affairs. People in general are mature enough to accept and deal with shortages of water or shortages of power what bothers them the most is shortage of integrity.

If I sound despondent let me assure you I’m not. Yes, I am certainly disappointed but not despondent. The reason for this is my innate belief that there is no problem which cannot be resolved or sorted out through healthy discussions and negotiations. In the coming days, I hope that the apex committee members who have been working so hard all these months will find ways to approach the builder and work out an amicable solution to all the problems.

At the cost of sounding a bit heavy let me leave you with some wonderful words of hope by Tagore. He said “Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed with man”. For those of you who see the relevance of this surely know what I am trying to say.

A Blog of my own!

Friends with whom I correspond regularly have been egging me on to start a blog. They recently threatened to crown me the king of procrastination if I didn’t start it soon.

Today seems to be the perfect day to start my new blog! I sent an article of mine to some of my neighbors yesterday and realized how much easier it would have been to just post it on my blog. Besides this, the date 08-08-08 also has a nice ring to it! So welcome to my very own space in cyber world.

Since this is a new blog I’m not sure how often I will be posting but once I get the hang of it I’ll try and be as regular as possible.

My first post happens to be about the housing complex I live in. You may not be able to relate to everything I’ve written but I’m sure you will get the drift!