Thursday, April 9, 2009

Shoekriya Minister!

Jarnail Singh, the journalist who threw a shoe at our Home Minister Chidambaram has become a local hero. His community has welcomed him with his favorite sweet Shoeji halwa.

Rewards in millions have been announced by the Sikh community although no one has offered him their daughter’s hand in marriage as was the case with the Iraqi shoe thrower. This must surely be the easiest way to earn millions. Like Nike says; “Just do it”.

The woman in his life is not amused though. She is from the old school who believes that only women reserve the right to hit men with shoes and chappals and is peeved that even this privilege is no longer solely in a woman’s domain.

Sardars in the army are a very ashamed lot. They cannot understand how he could miss from such a short distance (for God's sake, he was sitting in the first row!). This has brought a bad name for all sardars in the army and they fear people will doubt the shooting skills of sardars.

Shoe makers I am sure will take a cue and start making special shoes for press conferences. These will have target locks where you cannot miss once the target is locked before the shoe is thrown.

Instead of thanking his stars for not being put behind bars Jarnail is complaining that he has not got his shoe back. Can someone please tell him that throwing a shoe is not like Bowling where the ball comes back!

Last but not least, as predicted, India has joined the US and China as one of the top three Shoeper Powers of the 21st century. First it was Bush who got the boot then it was the Chinese premier Wen Jiabao and now the Indian Chiddu.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Blas(t)phemous!

The canvas of the world is exploding with news like never before.

It was interesting to hear that a classroom session teaching how to be a U.S. citizen was going on when the shooting rampage at the US immigration centre was reported. I wonder whether they have practical training sessions too!

Not too long ago I remember Americans spending billions to help the Afghans drive away the Russians from Afghanistan. Now they are paying the Pakis billions to drive the Talibans away from Pakistan.

Even as I write this there are reports of more blasts in our region. We are truly living a Blas(t)phemous region!

The world observed Earth Hour recently when millions of people switched off their lights and other electrical appliances for an hour. A friend asked me, can you imagine how many babies were made that day? Hmmn only time will tell I suppose.

UAE is a very lucky country. They recently passed a law authorising the deportation of people(read 'from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh') caught spitting Pan remains in that country. It’s a pity we can’t deport our filthy Pan spitting citizens anywhere. It would have been great if it was possible to deport them straight to Mars “the red planet”. They could have made sure it remains the ‘red planet’ forever. Very few things can be as repulsive as spitting in public…Pan or no Pan. I have often seen people spitting after encountering any kind of stink. It always beats me how getting rid of your saliva can help get rid of the stink!!

Political leaders are being hauled up for distributing money to voters in their constituencies. I disagree with their persecution. On the contrary I would recommend setting a minimum amount to be distributed to each voter, say Rs. 500. If this happens and is made legal imagine how much money will be distributed to the poor and needy by rival political parties? In any case, this is the only occasion when poor villagers get something from our shamelessly corrupt politicians. We have no right to deprive them of such largesse.

Varun Gandhi has just invited himself on the hit list of terrorists. Call it destiny or a curse but for the Gandhi family the only way to leave this world seems to be unnatural death. Indira, Rajiv, Sanjay…who next?

The 'made in India' Nano (world's cheapest car at $ 2,500) has finally been launched. There goes one more status symbol…out of the window and into the gutter… I mean on to our roads.

Being a fan of Roger Federer, I was very disappointed this week to see his temper get the better of him. I have always admired him for being as gracious in defeat as he is in victory. It probably just goes to prove that he is only human:(

On a happier note my favorite telly series Bones is back on air with a new season and I am looking forward to seeing the best odd couple.