Lessons learnt?

Last few weeks have been very busy and I haven’t been able to update my blog. I was planning to do it on thrusday but watching the terrorist attacks on telly has consumed most of my free time.

There have been so many bomb blasts and attacks lately that we are unfortunately becoming numb to such events. As our impotent government looks on helplessly the only phrase that comes to mind is “what cannot be cured must be endured”.

The way the powers that be crooned about the attacks being so well coordinated and about the excellent training the terrorists had received it felt as if our forces would be better off learning at the terrorist training schools than our own!

Our Home Minister is a very confused man these days. He was last heard asking why people are demanding his resignation when all the attacks were in hotels and not at home.

The English cricketers have called off their tour because of terrorism. They feel they have been terrorized enough by the Indian team in the first 5 ODIs. They found the perfect excuse to hide their tails between their legs and rush back to UK.

I told some friends that on my up coming birthday I want to take them out for dinner at a five star hotel. All of them refused and want to call in food from pizza hut!

Thankfully, I just heard that the mayhem had stopped and the siege had finally ended. With so much of terror around us and so much of telly coverage I wont be surprised if someone starts a channel called Terror TV sooner than later.

Reports trickling in indicate that more lives could have been saved, both civilian and those in uniform, had the helmets and bullet proof jackets not been of sub-standard quality. I suppose we could not provide them with those simply becoz corrupt officials had siphoned off the funds or the government had used them to fund our mission to the moon!

However, there are two positive takeaways I see from all of this.

One, some of the snooty (read celebrity) south Mumbai residents who would consider terror attacks as something that happened to others have now been welcomed to the real world. They will hopefully be more sensitive to the pain of the less fortunate sections of the society.

Two, we learn to live and enjoy life in the present. I have always found us to be a nation full of people taking ourselves and our lives far too seriously. We plan too much for the future and harp too much about the past. In the process we sacrifice the very present for which we have worked so hard. This is a wake-up call telling us once again that if we have things on our mind we want to do, sentiments we want to share, relationships we wish to mend, places or people we want to visit…lets do it right now. Tomorrow could well be too late.

Moon Moon (In)Sen

I caught up with the Minister who approved India’s mission to the moon.

Me:
Sir, don’t you think our country has better priorities to spend the millions of dollars you spent on the moon mission? I mean like eradicating poverty, providing water and sanitation, rural education and health care etc …

Minister:
You people will never understand.
We have to do something bold and new.
All those things you have mentioned we have been doing them for over 60 years now.
They are so boring. Don’t you want to do anything new?

Don’t you realize we have done something which only a handful of nations have done?

Me:
But sir, they are all rich nations!

Minister:
You have answered yourself. Now that we have spent millions of dollars on the moon mission doesn’t that automatically make us rich?

Me:
But sir, our farmers are committing suicide.

Minister:
You and your ‘butt’.... cant you see the big picture for a change?

Me:
Sir, hundreds of children are dying of malnutrition.

Minister:
There you go again. Didn’t I say look at the big picture?

Me:
Sir, Terrorists are killing thousands of innocent people. Don’t you think we should spend on catching these killers?

Minister:
I said look at the big picture. Do I have to spell it out?

When all these people who die go up..... can you imagine their pride and joy when they see the Indian flag flying on the Moon?

Aren’t you proud of being an Indian?

Me:
Yes sir, Thank You sir.

Minister:
Jai Hind

Singlehood

About six months ago I got a mail from a wonderful human being and a great friend with the subject ‘Singlehood’. It was a short mail with a few lines. It said:

Would like to know, how is life as a single person Vyne?
On that question, bye for now....you'll have reams to write.
I am all ears!

This post took a long time coming and is especially for you my German/Swedish speaking friend.

The moment I read the word singlehood it brought a smile to my face and I was tickled. I had heard of bachelorhood but singlehood was new and for some reason had a ring to it like Robinhood!

An international research once revealed that married men live longer than single men. What the research also revealed but is never publicized is the fact that married men are more willing to die than single men! I suppose that sets the tone for this post.

‘Single’ is one of the earliest forms of marital status or should I say the first form, for we all are born single. In the good old days there used to be just two forms- Single or Married. Then came the technically sound forms like Engaged, Widowed and Divorced.

That wasn’t enough, ‘Separated’ and ‘Estranged’ were added to make things clearer (to whom, I still don’t know).

Generation next proved to be more creative than anyone had imagined. They came up with another status – ‘Committed’ (I find that funny cause it makes it sound as if once you are married your are no longer committed! Sign of times?).

Gays and Lesbians started coming out of the closet and asserted their rights. One more status was born ‘Same Gender Partner’! As living-in became more common another marital status was born and being with a ‘Common Law Partner’ came into existence.

So, from having two forms to begin with we have ended up with so many that we now need a separate form to fill in the different forms of marital status.

Having come this far, the original, the one and only status of being single continues to be the most coveted. It’s difficult to generalize life as a single person because what counts is what you make out of your status. A single person living like a married one or vice-versa makes no sense. Similarly, what constitutes making the best out of one’s status is also quite subjective.

Before delving into the pros and cons of being single what I find interesting is the reaction people around you have during the various ages/phases/stages of being single. To begin with it is not taken seriously as every girl or boy starts off by saying that she or he doesn’t want to get married.

When you are nearing 30 and continue to play the same tune you receive some serious attention. Do you have anyone in mind? Is the question you have to answer repeatedly. If the answer is ‘No’ then these days parents begin to worry whether you are gay or lesbian! A few more years and the din around marriage dies down and near and dear ones replace persuasion with hope.

In your late 30s your married friends who are already past the honeymoon phase of their marriage and grappling with kids, in-laws, unwanted relatives et al tell you how lucky you are. By this time some of them have already been through a divorce and are eagerly ready to join the ‘single again’ club. Divorced guys who were lecturing about doing the right things at the right time have eaten their words and continue to maintain a brave front claiming that the timing was right but the person was wrong. Yeah right!

Around this time is just about when you begin to introspect about the pros and cons of being single. Being single or married are both wonderful phases of life and make no mistake, I have nothing against marriage. It’s just how life pans out for each of us and how we are able to adapt to the changes they bring in. I have seen some amazingly successful marriages and some pathetic bachelors.

Coming to the pros of being single the biggest luxury it affords you is that of choice. You can pick and choose the people who you want to associate with and do not have to mingle out of social compulsions. This for me is a priceless luxury. Everything else is collateral benefit.

‘Bound by freedom’ is a phrase which every person who is single swears by. Freedom to utilize you resources be it time, effort or money is an amazing feeling. It’s an addiction which gives you a high like no other. Once you are used to being the God of your own world it’s very difficult to give it up. Spice this with mobility and you have a fail-safe formula for living life on your own terms.

The practical benefits at a micro level include not having to fill all those additional forms and details when you travel or apply for visas! You also discover that married men and women confide in you very willingly and respect your objective views on various issues.

Nothing makes you stronger than living alone. You discover the real ‘you’ and are more independent than anyone who is married. You are strong enough to cry on your own shoulder and can also offer one to the needy! The biggest benefit though of being single is how you learn to love yourself (pun absolutely unintended!).

At a macro level you also contribute to the population control of a country like India:)

Having said all of that it still isn’t a cake walk being single in a country like ours. It’s yet far from being accepted. Although it is ok for men it is really tough for single women. A single woman is still perceived as being single out of some compulsion than out of choice.

The joy of having your own kids is something which every person who is single will miss at some time or the other but then, to really enjoy kids they don’t necessarily have to be yours, do they?

Respectability in society for a single male is still not at the same level as that of a married person despite the fact that the married man could be a wife beater or a child abuser. A certain degree of suspicion still haunts singles in this country. Most of it probably revolves around the misconception that singles don’t get their share of physical intimacy. That was probably true a few decades ago but today most singles are blessed with physical intimacy that far exceeds that derived by their married counterparts.

In conclusion, I would just add that confirmed bachelors may never become a majority but we would be kidding ourselves if we ignore the fact that almost half of those who are married are just living together under the same roof.... more as singles than as a couple. That my friend is one of the saddest facts of present day life.