About six months ago I got a mail from a wonderful human being and a great friend with the subject ‘Singlehood’. It was a short mail with a few lines. It said:
Would like to know, how is life as a single person Vyne?
On that question, bye for now....you'll have reams to write.
I am all ears!
This post took a long time coming and is especially for you my German/Swedish speaking friend.
The moment I read the word singlehood it brought a smile to my face and I was tickled. I had heard of bachelorhood but singlehood was new and for some reason had a ring to it like Robinhood!
An international research once revealed that married men live longer than single men. What the research also revealed but is never publicized is the fact that married men are more willing to die than single men! I suppose that sets the tone for this post.
‘Single’ is one of the earliest forms of marital status or should I say the first form, for we all are born single. In the good old days there used to be just two forms- Single or Married. Then came the technically sound forms like Engaged, Widowed and Divorced.
That wasn’t enough, ‘Separated’ and ‘Estranged’ were added to make things clearer (to whom, I still don’t know).
Generation next proved to be more creative than anyone had imagined. They came up with another status – ‘Committed’ (I find that funny cause it makes it sound as if once you are married your are no longer committed! Sign of times?).
Gays and Lesbians started coming out of the closet and asserted their rights. One more status was born ‘Same Gender Partner’! As living-in became more common another marital status was born and being with a ‘Common Law Partner’ came into existence.
So, from having two forms to begin with we have ended up with so many that we now need a separate form to fill in the different forms of marital status.
Having come this far, the original, the one and only status of being single continues to be the most coveted. It’s difficult to generalize life as a single person because what counts is what you make out of your status. A single person living like a married one or vice-versa makes no sense. Similarly, what constitutes making the best out of one’s status is also quite subjective.
Before delving into the pros and cons of being single what I find interesting is the reaction people around you have during the various ages/phases/stages of being single. To begin with it is not taken seriously as every girl or boy starts off by saying that she or he doesn’t want to get married.
When you are nearing 30 and continue to play the same tune you receive some serious attention. Do you have anyone in mind? Is the question you have to answer repeatedly. If the answer is ‘No’ then these days parents begin to worry whether you are gay or lesbian! A few more years and the din around marriage dies down and near and dear ones replace persuasion with hope.
In your late 30s your married friends who are already past the honeymoon phase of their marriage and grappling with kids, in-laws, unwanted relatives et al tell you how lucky you are. By this time some of them have already been through a divorce and are eagerly ready to join the ‘single again’ club. Divorced guys who were lecturing about doing the right things at the right time have eaten their words and continue to maintain a brave front claiming that the timing was right but the person was wrong. Yeah right!
Around this time is just about when you begin to introspect about the pros and cons of being single. Being single or married are both wonderful phases of life and make no mistake, I have nothing against marriage. It’s just how life pans out for each of us and how we are able to adapt to the changes they bring in. I have seen some amazingly successful marriages and some pathetic bachelors.
Coming to the pros of being single the biggest luxury it affords you is that of choice. You can pick and choose the people who you want to associate with and do not have to mingle out of social compulsions. This for me is a priceless luxury. Everything else is collateral benefit.
‘Bound by freedom’ is a phrase which every person who is single swears by. Freedom to utilize you resources be it time, effort or money is an amazing feeling. It’s an addiction which gives you a high like no other. Once you are used to being the God of your own world it’s very difficult to give it up. Spice this with mobility and you have a fail-safe formula for living life on your own terms.
The practical benefits at a micro level include not having to fill all those additional forms and details when you travel or apply for visas! You also discover that married men and women confide in you very willingly and respect your objective views on various issues.
Nothing makes you stronger than living alone. You discover the real ‘you’ and are more independent than anyone who is married. You are strong enough to cry on your own shoulder and can also offer one to the needy! The biggest benefit though of being single is how you learn to love yourself (pun absolutely unintended!).
At a macro level you also contribute to the population control of a country like India:)
Having said all of that it still isn’t a cake walk being single in a country like ours. It’s yet far from being accepted. Although it is ok for men it is really tough for single women. A single woman is still perceived as being single out of some compulsion than out of choice.
The joy of having your own kids is something which every person who is single will miss at some time or the other but then, to really enjoy kids they don’t necessarily have to be yours, do they?
Respectability in society for a single male is still not at the same level as that of a married person despite the fact that the married man could be a wife beater or a child abuser. A certain degree of suspicion still haunts singles in this country. Most of it probably revolves around the misconception that singles don’t get their share of physical intimacy. That was probably true a few decades ago but today most singles are blessed with physical intimacy that far exceeds that derived by their married counterparts.
In conclusion, I would just add that confirmed bachelors may never become a majority but we would be kidding ourselves if we ignore the fact that almost half of those who are married are just living together under the same roof.... more as singles than as a couple. That my friend is one of the saddest facts of present day life.
Would like to know, how is life as a single person Vyne?
On that question, bye for now....you'll have reams to write.
I am all ears!
This post took a long time coming and is especially for you my German/Swedish speaking friend.
The moment I read the word singlehood it brought a smile to my face and I was tickled. I had heard of bachelorhood but singlehood was new and for some reason had a ring to it like Robinhood!
An international research once revealed that married men live longer than single men. What the research also revealed but is never publicized is the fact that married men are more willing to die than single men! I suppose that sets the tone for this post.
‘Single’ is one of the earliest forms of marital status or should I say the first form, for we all are born single. In the good old days there used to be just two forms- Single or Married. Then came the technically sound forms like Engaged, Widowed and Divorced.
That wasn’t enough, ‘Separated’ and ‘Estranged’ were added to make things clearer (to whom, I still don’t know).
Generation next proved to be more creative than anyone had imagined. They came up with another status – ‘Committed’ (I find that funny cause it makes it sound as if once you are married your are no longer committed! Sign of times?).
Gays and Lesbians started coming out of the closet and asserted their rights. One more status was born ‘Same Gender Partner’! As living-in became more common another marital status was born and being with a ‘Common Law Partner’ came into existence.
So, from having two forms to begin with we have ended up with so many that we now need a separate form to fill in the different forms of marital status.
Having come this far, the original, the one and only status of being single continues to be the most coveted. It’s difficult to generalize life as a single person because what counts is what you make out of your status. A single person living like a married one or vice-versa makes no sense. Similarly, what constitutes making the best out of one’s status is also quite subjective.
Before delving into the pros and cons of being single what I find interesting is the reaction people around you have during the various ages/phases/stages of being single. To begin with it is not taken seriously as every girl or boy starts off by saying that she or he doesn’t want to get married.
When you are nearing 30 and continue to play the same tune you receive some serious attention. Do you have anyone in mind? Is the question you have to answer repeatedly. If the answer is ‘No’ then these days parents begin to worry whether you are gay or lesbian! A few more years and the din around marriage dies down and near and dear ones replace persuasion with hope.
In your late 30s your married friends who are already past the honeymoon phase of their marriage and grappling with kids, in-laws, unwanted relatives et al tell you how lucky you are. By this time some of them have already been through a divorce and are eagerly ready to join the ‘single again’ club. Divorced guys who were lecturing about doing the right things at the right time have eaten their words and continue to maintain a brave front claiming that the timing was right but the person was wrong. Yeah right!
Around this time is just about when you begin to introspect about the pros and cons of being single. Being single or married are both wonderful phases of life and make no mistake, I have nothing against marriage. It’s just how life pans out for each of us and how we are able to adapt to the changes they bring in. I have seen some amazingly successful marriages and some pathetic bachelors.
Coming to the pros of being single the biggest luxury it affords you is that of choice. You can pick and choose the people who you want to associate with and do not have to mingle out of social compulsions. This for me is a priceless luxury. Everything else is collateral benefit.
‘Bound by freedom’ is a phrase which every person who is single swears by. Freedom to utilize you resources be it time, effort or money is an amazing feeling. It’s an addiction which gives you a high like no other. Once you are used to being the God of your own world it’s very difficult to give it up. Spice this with mobility and you have a fail-safe formula for living life on your own terms.
The practical benefits at a micro level include not having to fill all those additional forms and details when you travel or apply for visas! You also discover that married men and women confide in you very willingly and respect your objective views on various issues.
Nothing makes you stronger than living alone. You discover the real ‘you’ and are more independent than anyone who is married. You are strong enough to cry on your own shoulder and can also offer one to the needy! The biggest benefit though of being single is how you learn to love yourself (pun absolutely unintended!).
At a macro level you also contribute to the population control of a country like India:)
Having said all of that it still isn’t a cake walk being single in a country like ours. It’s yet far from being accepted. Although it is ok for men it is really tough for single women. A single woman is still perceived as being single out of some compulsion than out of choice.
The joy of having your own kids is something which every person who is single will miss at some time or the other but then, to really enjoy kids they don’t necessarily have to be yours, do they?
Respectability in society for a single male is still not at the same level as that of a married person despite the fact that the married man could be a wife beater or a child abuser. A certain degree of suspicion still haunts singles in this country. Most of it probably revolves around the misconception that singles don’t get their share of physical intimacy. That was probably true a few decades ago but today most singles are blessed with physical intimacy that far exceeds that derived by their married counterparts.
In conclusion, I would just add that confirmed bachelors may never become a majority but we would be kidding ourselves if we ignore the fact that almost half of those who are married are just living together under the same roof.... more as singles than as a couple. That my friend is one of the saddest facts of present day life.
2 comments:
O-Bli-Ma(e)!! I expected a post on Obama around this time but was pleasantly surprised to see this post. Interesting observations.As long as one is happy with his/her life, doesn't matter if one is single or married. Hey look, this is what Francis Bacon had to say Of marriage and single life "HE THAT hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief." So again, it depends....on which enterprises are you spending your energies on- virtues or mischief! http://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-9.html
Enjoy!
Obama can wait... forever! What a friend asks for always comes first:) [and this post had already been delayed a lot!]
Well said...happiness is the key.
As for Bacon...he would have worded it differently if he were alive today....in times when mischief is a virtue:)
Anove all...felt good to see ya in the inbox:))thanx.
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