Vero...nikaah

So we all know who Archie has finally decided to marry!! I won’t go into the probable whys of his selection coz that would never finish this post (although I admit it could make more interesting reading hehe). I’d rather concentrate on the fact that he took 67 years to decide. Now, all you guys out there don’t ask me why I have still not decided. I’m ages away from taking 67 years!

The last 10-12 days have been hectic. The fun of following the counting of votes, the IPL final and then the major event of our financial markets, which have been comatose for over a year, finally coming to life. On the down side I sprained my back and hopefully it’ll sort itself out before my trip to Bangalore next month.

Hundreds of tigers have been made extinct this month. I am referring to the Tamil tigers. I strongly object to terrorists being called animals. Animals don’t kill for sadistic pleasures they kill only when they are hungry. I hope this is taken up at the next WTO meet. (World Tigers Organisation)

One of the things I really wanted to do this year was to hook up with some of the people I studied and worked with when I left India. I have finished gathering information about some of them and should start contacting them soon. I’m looking forward to it.

The other thing I wanted to do was to get back some of the friends I had lost. I started with the best and it probably took some D’Vyne intervention to make me do what I did. I am so happy about it. Like I told that friend, life is short and unpredictable and I don't ever want to leave this world estranged from the one who means so much. So here was me killing all the bad feelings and remembering only the happy moments together. The fact is, ultimately people do work around their differences and come together…. usually when it’s too late in their lives. If it is going to happen anyway might as well do it asap.

Since I am on the subject of friends I’ll leave you with one of my most favorite lines. Old friends are the best but we can’t have more old friends without making new ones, can we? To this end I am glad to have added at least one more to my list during the last few months. This is someone who speaks very good Spanish but doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word pronto:(

BJP wins!

This election, BJP’s campaign was the real winner. They spread the message that one should vote for Mazboot Neta, Nirnayak Sarkar (strong leader, decisive government) and that’s exactly what the people did. They voted for the Congress (UPA) government with Manmohan Singh as the PM!

What bemused me most is the allocation (distribution would be more suitable I guess) of portfolios. I mean, a Minister is supposed to head the affairs of an entire nation in his domain and these posts are being doled out as if it hardly mattered who heads what ( except for the prestige value )! If you don’t want Power you can have Rural Affairs or Tourism. Gee are they all the same??? Imagine in a corporation the Directors or Presidents saying they will take IT if they can’t have Marketing and the Chairman offers them Human Resources or Production control!

The swearing in ceremony was so so boring and monotonous. I fail to understand why the President had to keep saying ‘I’ all the time. Whatever the reason I am sure there is a better way of doing it. It could really be a five minute affair if all of them took oath at the same time. Other than their names there is hardly anything different they say.

The only thing it cleared for me was the reason why Ministers keep taking oaths and then do exactly the same things they swore they would not do. The thing is when you swear by someone it implies that if you do the things you swore not to do then those who you swore by will come to harm. The problem is, we know God is immortal and there is no way anyone can harm him so it is really pointless swearing by God. What do you think? I suggest they should be made to swear by their families, wealth and power and then see how they stick to their oaths :)

The unpredictable seems to be almost predictable this month! First it was the election results and then the IPL finalists. I wonder what else is in store. Will Nadal be crashing out of the French Open? Who knows?

Swine Flu vs Vyne Flu

*Issued in Public Interest*

This cautionary statement is being issued in view of the global scare regarding Swine Flu and its phonetic closeness to an already existing condition called Vyne Flu. Your attention is drawn to the causes, symptoms and cures for both these conditions and you are advised to take all necessary precautions.

Swine Flu

Mainly spreads from person to person as a result of coughing or sneezing by people with influenza.

WHO has recently declared it a Pandemic.

Symptoms include:

· High fever
· Cough
· Sore throat
· Headache
· Body aches and
· Fatigue

It is an extremely harmful condition and if not treated in time could lead to death.

Vyne Flu

Spreads through a single source being an individual called Vyne. It is not Pandemic but Paldemic, infecting all pals of this individual.

Regular contact with Vyne via Email, SMS and telephone drastically increases the chances of being infected.

Symptoms include:

· Impatience
· Fussiness
· Bouts of laughter
· Burnt throat (resulting from the consumption of very hot beverages)
· High tendency to crack PJs

Your likes, dislikes and beliefs are at a high risk of undergoing drastic changes. The following effects have been indicated.

· Early morning would mean 8.30 a.m.
· You will claim to be 20+ forever.
· Food will consist of just fruits, juices and biscuits.
· Sleeping, writing and travel will be the only worthy pastimes.
· You will start becoming wordly wise.
· You will believe that the best dress ever invented is:

( A pure white chudidar with a red bandhej dupatta)
· The best perfumes will be Creed for men and Cool Water for women.
· Laziness will become a virtue and
· Latin America would be considered the best continent on Earth.

Vyne Flu can be classified as extremely harmful or charmful depending on the victims state of mind. Currently, there is no known cure available for this condition.

Please keep the above in mind and take care of yourself and those around you.

Cheap Thrills!

I opened the newspaper a couple of days back and for a moment wondered if I was in India or some ‘developed’ country. Travel advisories had been issued to those traveling to Mexico, USA, Canada and parts of Europe. Hundreds of passengers arriving from the above countries were to be screened upon arrival at our airports.

Wow! I was having the cheap thrill of something at whose receiving end we have always been. I also thanked God for making me a vegetarian. It all started with a cow. No, I’m not talking about Hinduism. I meant it started with the Mad Cow disease, then it was the Bird Flu and now it’s the Swine Flu. That leaves us with just Lamb Flu and Fish Flu in the coming years. I hear that owing to some confusion regarding the spread of Swine Flu it has been renamed H1N1 disease. This will leave our IT folks even more flustered. As it is they are grappling with confusion over H1B1 visas and now they are burdened with H1N1 problem as well.

As our elections come to an end the shoe throwing Mela continues. I am certain that it will be popular even after the elections and manufacturers can start a new line of shoes, specially made for throwing. They can even have slogans on them. It will continue to be an urban phenomenon as rural India hardly has money to eat, let alone buy shoes. Press conferences will look like holy places with journalists being barred from wearing shoes into the press rooms. Helmet sales could also increase!

Elections in my city are over and I could not vote. No regrets as all the candidates in my area are known crooks so it won't matter who comes to power. These days when a politician talks too strongly about working for Vikas (development) be sure that he must be talking about his son called Vikas. They need our votes to support them in their hard work for their sons and daughters as is evident from a number of their children standing for elections this year.

Times have changed so much. There used to be a time when only finding too many stones in the kidney could lead to death. These days finding stones in a helicopter fuel tank too can lead to death. Poor Mr. Borge couldn’t live to tell his tale. His plans were thrown off track on tracks as he was crushed to death by a speeding train. I refuse to believe it was suicide. With someone like Anil Ambani involved it’s not too difficult to get the BIG picture!

It’s holiday time and the abnormally sweltering heat has most people cooped up at home discussing and enjoying i-pods, i-tunes, i-phones, i-pills and now IPL. I have finished my Spanish syllabus for the basic level but have been too busy and lazy to practice. It’s been a long time since I’ve even seen my Spanish teacher. The last I remember she used to look really pretty. I may not be able to speak fluently yet but I could get a PhD for the number of websites on learning Spanish I browse and research, all thanks to her!

Last night I went out for dinner with my best friend. We went to a close by Resto-Bar called Bond and even a mighty cribber like me was left smiling. It’s an extremely cozy joint with pleasant waiters who invite you in with genuine smiles. They are patient enough to answer all your questions as well. The ambiance is great with a giant video screen and a range of speakers playing music from a big Juke box. It is a bit expensive but then, which place is not expensive these days? The food was not perfect but with that kind of ambiance and service it’s certainly worth it. I would highly recommend it for a nice evening with a special guest or friend even if you are a teetotaler like me.