The Customer is Always 'Tight'!

Goa being almost synonymous with holidays, going there for work sounded different and I looked forward to this rather unplanned second visit to Goa. My first visit was a disaster as I went there during peak summer and didn’t not enjoy it one bit. In a way I was giving myself and Goa a second chance!

I had read and heard loads about the Konkan railway stretch from Mumbai to Goa being an amazing journey, especially when it rains, so I decided to go by train. Within a few hours I was convinced that however much you write you cannot do justice to this truly blissful journey. This is a must for all those who love landscapes, tunnels and bridges. It is truly a modern day engineering marvel and one of the few things Indian Railways can be proud of. The countless tunnels and bridges not only remind you of the awesome amount of research and planning required to pull off such a feat but also strengthens your belief in the statement “Nothing is Impossible”. Cutting through the terrain deep into the mountain took years but the results are impeccable. The lush greenery of the landscape is perfectly punctuated by the dozens of waterfalls throughout the journey. The 12 hour journey seems too short and I won’t mind spending all of it standing near the door. This is one time when you won’t mind unscheduled halts and red signals on the way. The icing on the cake though was the service provided on the Mandovi Express. There is a non-stop supply of goodies to eat. They are very reasonably priced and surprise surprise even the branded eats are sold at MRP and no more! Try catching this train on a weekday and you will almost have the entire compartment to yourself :)

Of late, 'Goa in the rains' as a concept has been aggressively marketed and I can confirm that it’s been done with good reason. The lushness in the landscape gives a very fresh and bold look to the entire region. The intermittent rains and the sight of people scampering around for shelter during spells of cloud burst instantly brings smiles to many faces and the rains seem to have a very calming effect on everyone around. Strangers literally coming under one umbrella even for a few minutes means a new acquaintance made. The subtle nod of the head or a warm smile as a thank you gesture is what humanity is all about. Small acts invariably make big statements.

With such a beautiful weather outside the thought of going into an office for work was hardly something to look forward to. Some documents were to be signed, discussions to be held and the future course of action was to be decided. Everything seemed so dull and boring about the meeting until a smart dusky girl walked in. She was introduced as Meghana, the CFO. As I started interacting with her I realized that she was the Cutest Financial Officer I have met in a long time. She had an extremely warm and pleasant disposition and I couldn’t stop myself from going up to her after the meeting and complimenting her for her sweet personality.

With work out of the way, the next few days were spent going around Panaji and even venturing into the South of Goa where the sprawling Taj property, Taj Exotica is located. It's big, beautiful but expensive. The right place to splurge windfall gains and a perfect hide-out for lovebirds. I even managed to catch a movie and explore some little known restaurants in town. Also visited a friend at the Goa Institute of Management which is housed in an old Portuguese style building, which used to be a hospital once. It has a nice cozy campus and there is a magnificent water front just outside the building.

If you love your fish and booze, Goa is the place to be. Like most coastal cities Goan food too uses a lot of coconut. Fish, chicken and all kinds of meat are available in plenty. Goan vegetarian food by far seems to be cooked with the sole intention of making guys like me feel totally out of place…really! The subtle question seemed to be “What are you doing in Goa if you don’t eat non-veg or take liquor?” Booze is extremely cheap and the whole place is dotted with liquor and wine shops so much so that when you try to get a good cup of tea or coffee what you get is almost a rebuke for not ordering liquor in liquorland! The tag line Goa seemed to wish for is “The Customer is Always 'Tight'!” Within a few days I gave up my quest for a decent cup of tea or coffee and decided to bring in my own tea bags and coffee powder for my next visit.

All said and done a great trip to a beautiful place with a laid back lifestyle and some pretty friendly locals. If you enjoy your booze and fish you have to look no further.

Laila O Laila

If you know me well you will never believe me if I said I woke up at 6.45 a.m. on a Sunday but if I add that it was to meet a certain Laila you might find it credible. Yes guys, its true, I did get up that early. I was all excited and looking forward to my date with Laila. Not being a morning person I had proposed an evening date but Laila being Laila didn't seem to like going out in the rains.

Being a Sunday morning I reached our rendezvous point soon and spotted a bevy of beauties all lined up looking nice and charming. This was a blind date and I had never seen Laila. Before you let your imagination run wild I better tell you that Laila is a microlight aircraft parked at Jakkur airfield in Bangalore.

I must have visited Bangalore umpteen number of times but for the first time I decided to get out of the “visit relatives, visit malls and visit temples routine” and do something really 'hatke'. My solo trip exploring Coorg last week (the subject matter of another post soon) was now being followed up with a 30 minute flying experience.

Having successfully cajoled the autorichshaw guy to take me to Jakkur airfield I arrived much ahead of the appointed time in order to get a feel for the place and make the experience longer than the scheduled 30 minutes. I tried calling Vinitha, the pilot, in order to locate the hangar where the aircraft was parked. There was no response and I started walking towards Jupiter Aviation (the place she had asked me to come to). As I approached the hangar I saw a lady sitting outside reading a book and told myself why isn't she answering my calls? As I approached her I asked if she was Vinitha and she said she had just come to visit her friend Vinitha.

I looked around at the neat little flying machines parked in the hangar and was enjoying the greenery and the cool breeze (after the rains) when a red Palio pulled over and a young man walked towards the hangar. We exchanged pleasantries and I learnt that he too had come to fly. We got talking as we waited for Vinitha to come back. Girish (the Palio guy) was a confirmed flying enthusiast and had done over 11 hours of real life flying and many hundreds on his simulator. Spend a few minutes with Girish and you are convinced that barring the touch and feel experience, technology has been successful in simulating everything else! I am sure that in the coming years the touch, feel and smell barrier too will be broken by technology.

As we were talking we spotted the counter part of 'a blue eyed boy',--> 'a brown eyed girl' walking towards us. It was our pilot Vinitha. She waved a friendly hi at us and was full of energy and enthusiasm. She looked exactly like someone running on 100 octane fuel. Behind her came Laila ambling along daintily, guided by a lone flyer who was completing his sortie (loosely used here-for want of a better term!). After brief introductions I was asked to familiarise myself with Laila who was totally dressed in white and together with her white wings she really looked like an angel, the only difference being the replacement of the halo by a 60-80 hp engine.

Once the aircraft was refueled and ready to go I sat inside with just enough room for a person of my frame. The ‘microtight’ cockpit made me feel happy that for once, being tall was not a virtue. Vinitha took her seat with the confidence of a seasoned pilot and gave me all the instructions reserved for newbies. We reached the runway and were ready to be airborne. Small aircrafts give you the thrill no big aircraft can ever give and it felt like being inside a small car which was able to fly. We had a smooth take off and within minutes were cruising at an altitude of 600 feet. The unrestricted bird's eye view of Bangalore was beautiful and for the first time ever I truly felt like my name (the bird Garuda). No prizes now for guessing why I enjoy all forms of flying.

After a few minutes Vinitha asked me to get a feel for the controls and I realised how sensitive Laila was and how aptly she was named! A slightest movement of the stick and rudder control would send her swaying in the breeze. After dancing over Bangalore for about 25 mins it was decided to give her some rest so we started our descent and had a safe landing at around 0850 hours.

Girish was waiting for his sortie but before he could take off I managed to click some pictures for my scrap book. As Girish took off I proceeded to find the place where I was told I could have some tea. I entered a training cum conference room where Varsha, the lady I first met at the hangar, was happily reading her book. Little did she suspect that the peace and tranquility she was enjoying would forever be shattered by my jibber jabber and banter. Her book reading time was over and her valiant attempts to silence me by offering me tea and some biscuits proved futile. Little did she know that I was the undefeated tea and biscuit champion who devours biscuits as quickly as others breathe fresh air. The 30 minute wait for Girish and Vinitha to come back saw us discussing everything right from politics to business and careers. Although a marketing person by profession she was the 'Jill of all trades' and would rather enjoy a bit of everything that is nice and interesting. Her husband is a die hard cyclist though and owns a high end bike franchise. So, if you or anyone you know is interested in cycling or buying mountain bikes then do visit his cool site www.bumsonthesaddle.com

Finally, there was hope for Varsha as Vinitha and Girish came back from their sortie. I had another cup of tea courtesy Vinitha. I was refueled and now had two more guys to target. I have often been told that I come across as being so familiar at the very first meeting that it has the potential to scare a lot of people. My bluntness doesn’t help either. No such problems here. Who could possibly scare someone who drives on the roads of Bangalore everyday and someone who has completed hundreds of flying hours? In fact, my loyalties to Mumbai and Bangalore were put to test. I couldn’t let either of them down. Mumbai, where I was born and brought up and Bangalore (read Karnataka) where I am originally from, have both given me so much in life. The ladies had a good time pulling my leg about my Karnataka connection!

Vinitha showed no signs that she had just come back from two sorties. She was as spirited and fresh as she was in the morning. She is probably one of the most enthusiastic 'plane Jane’s' you will ever meet. Don’t be fooled by her petite frame, there is more to her than meets the eye. Girish proved to be a one-track mind guy. His only track was to find a way to own a microlight and fly in every aircraft parked at Jakkur! Seriously though, he’s a cool dude who also happens to be an avid trekker. He has probably visited the Himalayas as many times as you and I visit multiplexes to watch movies.

Varsha, who was reading the book “PS I love you” was probably thinking “PS I’ll kill you” even as Girish and I stole more of the quality time she had planned with her buddy. Her prayers were finally heard and Vinitha decided it was time for them to leave and grab something to eat. Girish was kind enough to offer me a lift back home. I also parted with three red Gandhis and my wallet felt microlight too.

All in all, a wonderful Sunday morning and a BIG THANKS to Vinitha, Varsha and Girish for being so generous and hospitable to a complete stranger.

Those of you reading this, if you think I’ve managed to do the impossible – not meeting an IT guy in Bangalore, hold that thought. Girish runs a software firm and Varsha’s husband is a software engineer by profession!!

Vero...nikaah

So we all know who Archie has finally decided to marry!! I won’t go into the probable whys of his selection coz that would never finish this post (although I admit it could make more interesting reading hehe). I’d rather concentrate on the fact that he took 67 years to decide. Now, all you guys out there don’t ask me why I have still not decided. I’m ages away from taking 67 years!

The last 10-12 days have been hectic. The fun of following the counting of votes, the IPL final and then the major event of our financial markets, which have been comatose for over a year, finally coming to life. On the down side I sprained my back and hopefully it’ll sort itself out before my trip to Bangalore next month.

Hundreds of tigers have been made extinct this month. I am referring to the Tamil tigers. I strongly object to terrorists being called animals. Animals don’t kill for sadistic pleasures they kill only when they are hungry. I hope this is taken up at the next WTO meet. (World Tigers Organisation)

One of the things I really wanted to do this year was to hook up with some of the people I studied and worked with when I left India. I have finished gathering information about some of them and should start contacting them soon. I’m looking forward to it.

The other thing I wanted to do was to get back some of the friends I had lost. I started with the best and it probably took some D’Vyne intervention to make me do what I did. I am so happy about it. Like I told that friend, life is short and unpredictable and I don't ever want to leave this world estranged from the one who means so much. So here was me killing all the bad feelings and remembering only the happy moments together. The fact is, ultimately people do work around their differences and come together…. usually when it’s too late in their lives. If it is going to happen anyway might as well do it asap.

Since I am on the subject of friends I’ll leave you with one of my most favorite lines. Old friends are the best but we can’t have more old friends without making new ones, can we? To this end I am glad to have added at least one more to my list during the last few months. This is someone who speaks very good Spanish but doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word pronto:(

BJP wins!

This election, BJP’s campaign was the real winner. They spread the message that one should vote for Mazboot Neta, Nirnayak Sarkar (strong leader, decisive government) and that’s exactly what the people did. They voted for the Congress (UPA) government with Manmohan Singh as the PM!

What bemused me most is the allocation (distribution would be more suitable I guess) of portfolios. I mean, a Minister is supposed to head the affairs of an entire nation in his domain and these posts are being doled out as if it hardly mattered who heads what ( except for the prestige value )! If you don’t want Power you can have Rural Affairs or Tourism. Gee are they all the same??? Imagine in a corporation the Directors or Presidents saying they will take IT if they can’t have Marketing and the Chairman offers them Human Resources or Production control!

The swearing in ceremony was so so boring and monotonous. I fail to understand why the President had to keep saying ‘I’ all the time. Whatever the reason I am sure there is a better way of doing it. It could really be a five minute affair if all of them took oath at the same time. Other than their names there is hardly anything different they say.

The only thing it cleared for me was the reason why Ministers keep taking oaths and then do exactly the same things they swore they would not do. The thing is when you swear by someone it implies that if you do the things you swore not to do then those who you swore by will come to harm. The problem is, we know God is immortal and there is no way anyone can harm him so it is really pointless swearing by God. What do you think? I suggest they should be made to swear by their families, wealth and power and then see how they stick to their oaths :)

The unpredictable seems to be almost predictable this month! First it was the election results and then the IPL finalists. I wonder what else is in store. Will Nadal be crashing out of the French Open? Who knows?

Swine Flu vs Vyne Flu

*Issued in Public Interest*

This cautionary statement is being issued in view of the global scare regarding Swine Flu and its phonetic closeness to an already existing condition called Vyne Flu. Your attention is drawn to the causes, symptoms and cures for both these conditions and you are advised to take all necessary precautions.

Swine Flu

Mainly spreads from person to person as a result of coughing or sneezing by people with influenza.

WHO has recently declared it a Pandemic.

Symptoms include:

· High fever
· Cough
· Sore throat
· Headache
· Body aches and
· Fatigue

It is an extremely harmful condition and if not treated in time could lead to death.

Vyne Flu

Spreads through a single source being an individual called Vyne. It is not Pandemic but Paldemic, infecting all pals of this individual.

Regular contact with Vyne via Email, SMS and telephone drastically increases the chances of being infected.

Symptoms include:

· Impatience
· Fussiness
· Bouts of laughter
· Burnt throat (resulting from the consumption of very hot beverages)
· High tendency to crack PJs

Your likes, dislikes and beliefs are at a high risk of undergoing drastic changes. The following effects have been indicated.

· Early morning would mean 8.30 a.m.
· You will claim to be 20+ forever.
· Food will consist of just fruits, juices and biscuits.
· Sleeping, writing and travel will be the only worthy pastimes.
· You will start becoming wordly wise.
· You will believe that the best dress ever invented is:

( A pure white chudidar with a red bandhej dupatta)
· The best perfumes will be Creed for men and Cool Water for women.
· Laziness will become a virtue and
· Latin America would be considered the best continent on Earth.

Vyne Flu can be classified as extremely harmful or charmful depending on the victims state of mind. Currently, there is no known cure available for this condition.

Please keep the above in mind and take care of yourself and those around you.

Cheap Thrills!

I opened the newspaper a couple of days back and for a moment wondered if I was in India or some ‘developed’ country. Travel advisories had been issued to those traveling to Mexico, USA, Canada and parts of Europe. Hundreds of passengers arriving from the above countries were to be screened upon arrival at our airports.

Wow! I was having the cheap thrill of something at whose receiving end we have always been. I also thanked God for making me a vegetarian. It all started with a cow. No, I’m not talking about Hinduism. I meant it started with the Mad Cow disease, then it was the Bird Flu and now it’s the Swine Flu. That leaves us with just Lamb Flu and Fish Flu in the coming years. I hear that owing to some confusion regarding the spread of Swine Flu it has been renamed H1N1 disease. This will leave our IT folks even more flustered. As it is they are grappling with confusion over H1B1 visas and now they are burdened with H1N1 problem as well.

As our elections come to an end the shoe throwing Mela continues. I am certain that it will be popular even after the elections and manufacturers can start a new line of shoes, specially made for throwing. They can even have slogans on them. It will continue to be an urban phenomenon as rural India hardly has money to eat, let alone buy shoes. Press conferences will look like holy places with journalists being barred from wearing shoes into the press rooms. Helmet sales could also increase!

Elections in my city are over and I could not vote. No regrets as all the candidates in my area are known crooks so it won't matter who comes to power. These days when a politician talks too strongly about working for Vikas (development) be sure that he must be talking about his son called Vikas. They need our votes to support them in their hard work for their sons and daughters as is evident from a number of their children standing for elections this year.

Times have changed so much. There used to be a time when only finding too many stones in the kidney could lead to death. These days finding stones in a helicopter fuel tank too can lead to death. Poor Mr. Borge couldn’t live to tell his tale. His plans were thrown off track on tracks as he was crushed to death by a speeding train. I refuse to believe it was suicide. With someone like Anil Ambani involved it’s not too difficult to get the BIG picture!

It’s holiday time and the abnormally sweltering heat has most people cooped up at home discussing and enjoying i-pods, i-tunes, i-phones, i-pills and now IPL. I have finished my Spanish syllabus for the basic level but have been too busy and lazy to practice. It’s been a long time since I’ve even seen my Spanish teacher. The last I remember she used to look really pretty. I may not be able to speak fluently yet but I could get a PhD for the number of websites on learning Spanish I browse and research, all thanks to her!

Last night I went out for dinner with my best friend. We went to a close by Resto-Bar called Bond and even a mighty cribber like me was left smiling. It’s an extremely cozy joint with pleasant waiters who invite you in with genuine smiles. They are patient enough to answer all your questions as well. The ambiance is great with a giant video screen and a range of speakers playing music from a big Juke box. It is a bit expensive but then, which place is not expensive these days? The food was not perfect but with that kind of ambiance and service it’s certainly worth it. I would highly recommend it for a nice evening with a special guest or friend even if you are a teetotaler like me.

Shoekriya Minister!

Jarnail Singh, the journalist who threw a shoe at our Home Minister Chidambaram has become a local hero. His community has welcomed him with his favorite sweet Shoeji halwa.

Rewards in millions have been announced by the Sikh community although no one has offered him their daughter’s hand in marriage as was the case with the Iraqi shoe thrower. This must surely be the easiest way to earn millions. Like Nike says; “Just do it”.

The woman in his life is not amused though. She is from the old school who believes that only women reserve the right to hit men with shoes and chappals and is peeved that even this privilege is no longer solely in a woman’s domain.

Sardars in the army are a very ashamed lot. They cannot understand how he could miss from such a short distance (for God's sake, he was sitting in the first row!). This has brought a bad name for all sardars in the army and they fear people will doubt the shooting skills of sardars.

Shoe makers I am sure will take a cue and start making special shoes for press conferences. These will have target locks where you cannot miss once the target is locked before the shoe is thrown.

Instead of thanking his stars for not being put behind bars Jarnail is complaining that he has not got his shoe back. Can someone please tell him that throwing a shoe is not like Bowling where the ball comes back!

Last but not least, as predicted, India has joined the US and China as one of the top three Shoeper Powers of the 21st century. First it was Bush who got the boot then it was the Chinese premier Wen Jiabao and now the Indian Chiddu.