Lessons learnt?

Last few weeks have been very busy and I haven’t been able to update my blog. I was planning to do it on thrusday but watching the terrorist attacks on telly has consumed most of my free time.

There have been so many bomb blasts and attacks lately that we are unfortunately becoming numb to such events. As our impotent government looks on helplessly the only phrase that comes to mind is “what cannot be cured must be endured”.

The way the powers that be crooned about the attacks being so well coordinated and about the excellent training the terrorists had received it felt as if our forces would be better off learning at the terrorist training schools than our own!

Our Home Minister is a very confused man these days. He was last heard asking why people are demanding his resignation when all the attacks were in hotels and not at home.

The English cricketers have called off their tour because of terrorism. They feel they have been terrorized enough by the Indian team in the first 5 ODIs. They found the perfect excuse to hide their tails between their legs and rush back to UK.

I told some friends that on my up coming birthday I want to take them out for dinner at a five star hotel. All of them refused and want to call in food from pizza hut!

Thankfully, I just heard that the mayhem had stopped and the siege had finally ended. With so much of terror around us and so much of telly coverage I wont be surprised if someone starts a channel called Terror TV sooner than later.

Reports trickling in indicate that more lives could have been saved, both civilian and those in uniform, had the helmets and bullet proof jackets not been of sub-standard quality. I suppose we could not provide them with those simply becoz corrupt officials had siphoned off the funds or the government had used them to fund our mission to the moon!

However, there are two positive takeaways I see from all of this.

One, some of the snooty (read celebrity) south Mumbai residents who would consider terror attacks as something that happened to others have now been welcomed to the real world. They will hopefully be more sensitive to the pain of the less fortunate sections of the society.

Two, we learn to live and enjoy life in the present. I have always found us to be a nation full of people taking ourselves and our lives far too seriously. We plan too much for the future and harp too much about the past. In the process we sacrifice the very present for which we have worked so hard. This is a wake-up call telling us once again that if we have things on our mind we want to do, sentiments we want to share, relationships we wish to mend, places or people we want to visit…lets do it right now. Tomorrow could well be too late.

Moon Moon (In)Sen

I caught up with the Minister who approved India’s mission to the moon.

Me:
Sir, don’t you think our country has better priorities to spend the millions of dollars you spent on the moon mission? I mean like eradicating poverty, providing water and sanitation, rural education and health care etc …

Minister:
You people will never understand.
We have to do something bold and new.
All those things you have mentioned we have been doing them for over 60 years now.
They are so boring. Don’t you want to do anything new?

Don’t you realize we have done something which only a handful of nations have done?

Me:
But sir, they are all rich nations!

Minister:
You have answered yourself. Now that we have spent millions of dollars on the moon mission doesn’t that automatically make us rich?

Me:
But sir, our farmers are committing suicide.

Minister:
You and your ‘butt’.... cant you see the big picture for a change?

Me:
Sir, hundreds of children are dying of malnutrition.

Minister:
There you go again. Didn’t I say look at the big picture?

Me:
Sir, Terrorists are killing thousands of innocent people. Don’t you think we should spend on catching these killers?

Minister:
I said look at the big picture. Do I have to spell it out?

When all these people who die go up..... can you imagine their pride and joy when they see the Indian flag flying on the Moon?

Aren’t you proud of being an Indian?

Me:
Yes sir, Thank You sir.

Minister:
Jai Hind

Singlehood

About six months ago I got a mail from a wonderful human being and a great friend with the subject ‘Singlehood’. It was a short mail with a few lines. It said:

Would like to know, how is life as a single person Vyne?
On that question, bye for now....you'll have reams to write.
I am all ears!

This post took a long time coming and is especially for you my German/Swedish speaking friend.

The moment I read the word singlehood it brought a smile to my face and I was tickled. I had heard of bachelorhood but singlehood was new and for some reason had a ring to it like Robinhood!

An international research once revealed that married men live longer than single men. What the research also revealed but is never publicized is the fact that married men are more willing to die than single men! I suppose that sets the tone for this post.

‘Single’ is one of the earliest forms of marital status or should I say the first form, for we all are born single. In the good old days there used to be just two forms- Single or Married. Then came the technically sound forms like Engaged, Widowed and Divorced.

That wasn’t enough, ‘Separated’ and ‘Estranged’ were added to make things clearer (to whom, I still don’t know).

Generation next proved to be more creative than anyone had imagined. They came up with another status – ‘Committed’ (I find that funny cause it makes it sound as if once you are married your are no longer committed! Sign of times?).

Gays and Lesbians started coming out of the closet and asserted their rights. One more status was born ‘Same Gender Partner’! As living-in became more common another marital status was born and being with a ‘Common Law Partner’ came into existence.

So, from having two forms to begin with we have ended up with so many that we now need a separate form to fill in the different forms of marital status.

Having come this far, the original, the one and only status of being single continues to be the most coveted. It’s difficult to generalize life as a single person because what counts is what you make out of your status. A single person living like a married one or vice-versa makes no sense. Similarly, what constitutes making the best out of one’s status is also quite subjective.

Before delving into the pros and cons of being single what I find interesting is the reaction people around you have during the various ages/phases/stages of being single. To begin with it is not taken seriously as every girl or boy starts off by saying that she or he doesn’t want to get married.

When you are nearing 30 and continue to play the same tune you receive some serious attention. Do you have anyone in mind? Is the question you have to answer repeatedly. If the answer is ‘No’ then these days parents begin to worry whether you are gay or lesbian! A few more years and the din around marriage dies down and near and dear ones replace persuasion with hope.

In your late 30s your married friends who are already past the honeymoon phase of their marriage and grappling with kids, in-laws, unwanted relatives et al tell you how lucky you are. By this time some of them have already been through a divorce and are eagerly ready to join the ‘single again’ club. Divorced guys who were lecturing about doing the right things at the right time have eaten their words and continue to maintain a brave front claiming that the timing was right but the person was wrong. Yeah right!

Around this time is just about when you begin to introspect about the pros and cons of being single. Being single or married are both wonderful phases of life and make no mistake, I have nothing against marriage. It’s just how life pans out for each of us and how we are able to adapt to the changes they bring in. I have seen some amazingly successful marriages and some pathetic bachelors.

Coming to the pros of being single the biggest luxury it affords you is that of choice. You can pick and choose the people who you want to associate with and do not have to mingle out of social compulsions. This for me is a priceless luxury. Everything else is collateral benefit.

‘Bound by freedom’ is a phrase which every person who is single swears by. Freedom to utilize you resources be it time, effort or money is an amazing feeling. It’s an addiction which gives you a high like no other. Once you are used to being the God of your own world it’s very difficult to give it up. Spice this with mobility and you have a fail-safe formula for living life on your own terms.

The practical benefits at a micro level include not having to fill all those additional forms and details when you travel or apply for visas! You also discover that married men and women confide in you very willingly and respect your objective views on various issues.

Nothing makes you stronger than living alone. You discover the real ‘you’ and are more independent than anyone who is married. You are strong enough to cry on your own shoulder and can also offer one to the needy! The biggest benefit though of being single is how you learn to love yourself (pun absolutely unintended!).

At a macro level you also contribute to the population control of a country like India:)

Having said all of that it still isn’t a cake walk being single in a country like ours. It’s yet far from being accepted. Although it is ok for men it is really tough for single women. A single woman is still perceived as being single out of some compulsion than out of choice.

The joy of having your own kids is something which every person who is single will miss at some time or the other but then, to really enjoy kids they don’t necessarily have to be yours, do they?

Respectability in society for a single male is still not at the same level as that of a married person despite the fact that the married man could be a wife beater or a child abuser. A certain degree of suspicion still haunts singles in this country. Most of it probably revolves around the misconception that singles don’t get their share of physical intimacy. That was probably true a few decades ago but today most singles are blessed with physical intimacy that far exceeds that derived by their married counterparts.

In conclusion, I would just add that confirmed bachelors may never become a majority but we would be kidding ourselves if we ignore the fact that almost half of those who are married are just living together under the same roof.... more as singles than as a couple. That my friend is one of the saddest facts of present day life.

Members Only

The festival season is drawing to a close and I am glad that guys in my complex have done a great job this year. Despite all odds we celebrated Ganesh Chaturti, Dusshera and Diwali in style.

My favourite was the Ganesh Chaturti celebrations. The sense of sanctity of the idol which was installed in our complex was by far the best I saw this season. In my opinion the main reason was the simplicity and focus on the lord and not the decorations which at many places have become like an arts and crafts exhibition. I also don’t remember seeing eyesore causing banners anywhere around. Even the music played didn’t have too many filmy songs devoid of devotional content.

My wish for next year is that we totally get rid of all filmy songs and instead give an opportunity to the budding talent in our complex, be it children or adults, to sing devotional songs throughout the day.

It’s been three months since our last general body meeting and I could hear hushed voices talking about the next meeting. These were from the major benefactors of these meetings. I know you are speculating who these members might be. Hold that thought coz I am not referring to any members. I am referring to the housekeeping employees who are the beneficiaries of the samosas, sweets and tea left over after the meeting. They felt a meeting was overdue!

It is very easy to call for our general body meeting. The agenda items always remain the same as our darling builder makes sure that nothing ever gets done and on the rare occasion it gets started it remains half done.

One of the perennial items on the agenda is that of the progress made by Mahanagar Gas. Their contractors are a wonderful lot. During monsoon nature doesn’t allow them to work and during other times it is not in their nature to work. The piped gas is sure to remain our pipe dream for a long time!

In the grand scheme of things they say everything in life serves a purpose. I find it so very true every time I enter the elevators. Our lift men are a grim reminder to our children of what happens to people who don’t get good education. Seeing lift men every morning can put the fear of God in them and make them study seriously.

Our security guards are in a class of their own. They are so great in arranging and distributing mail that I often feel they are postmen working under cover as security guards. They can be great talent for the FBI or the CIA.

The maintenance team employed by the builder gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘preventive maintenance’. They work as if their brief is to prevent maintenance. Their sense of intuition is amazing. They are never in sight when most needed and appear every other time.

Initially I used to wonder why buildings in the complex were named after precious stones. Now when I see Blue Diamond the answer is so clear. Blue Diamond is one of the rarest of diamonds and very few jewelers have even seen one let alone possess it. Similarly, our Blue Diamond too is very rare. It falls under the category of work-in-progress forever! I hope I live to see the day it is completed and handed over to its owners.

As for the other stones they too spell luxury. Our builder is very honest. When he promised us luxury apartments all he was trying to say is that this will be a place where even basic amenities will be a luxury.

The fact that we have been duped will be formalized in due course by the share certificates which will be issued to all of us!

Whilst I made a mention of the festivals which were celebrated by the members I forgot to mention about an initiative taken by some of the women who live here. This group had arranged for the 'Art of Living' courses to be conducted for us. It was well intended but I thought a bit unnecessary for people living here.

As I understand the 'Art of Living' basically teaches you breathing control techniques, patience, alertness and a general sense of well being associated with a healthy mind and body. The collateral benefit of staying here is you get to practice all of those for free and they are provided by the agencies which work around this place.

As you leave the complex and go outside the stench of garbage teaches you how to hold your breath for long durations. We don’t need any additional breathing exercises. Walking from the building to the main gate finding your way around randomly dug up areas and bending down to go within the car park makes us very alert and our body supple. Add to that the dodging of water leaking from the lobby ceiling and we will soon have perfectly flexible bodies and alert minds. Waiting for electricians and plumbers to turn up and repair things has taken my patience to levels considered impossible for human beings.

Do we really need to learn the 'Art of Living' when we have almost mastered the 'Art of Suffering'?

'Glow'balisation of Diwali

I was planning to do a post on the ‘Glow’balisation of Diwali as many of my friends living abroad call me and wish me Diwali the day they see lights and fireworks around their city, be it far away London / Canada or nearby Dubai. Sadly, the events in the financial markets around the world have made it a Globalisation of Diwala this year.

This Diwali the retail sector is worried about their sales of consumer durables. I’m worried about the bigger question, is the consumer durable? Those investing in the financial markets with the dream of having enough money to buy some property are now left with the prospect of having money which can only get them a proper tea!

You will probably see newspapers screaming Black Friday, Kaali Diwali etc. This once again makes me think about black being used for anything bad, sad or depressing! Recently there was a program ‘We The People’ on NDTV discussing our bias towards fairness in skin tone and why we should not discriminate against dark skinned people. Whilst there is no doubt that I agree with this I also believe that such discrimination is something born out of our own learning / teaching.

We are taught to think of black as being bad in most scenarios....what do we think of when we read the words Black Mail ....Black Magic....Black Sheep (in the family)...Black Friday (bomb blast)...Black Money....(the list can be endless)? Don’t we overtly and subliminally learn to associate the color black with something evil...bad...etc? This feeling then percolates into our behaviour when we meet black (skin color) people.... the first impression is of suspicion. Do we have to blame ourselves or our teachings or the English language itself...??

Even sports have not been spared of this preference. Take chess for instance, it’s always the white pawns which get to make the first move and when sportsmen mourn they always wear a black band!

Be it black or white, discrimination has always been a grey area! Grey also reminds me of the moon this week. India’s first unmanned mission to the moon had a successful lift off. I have never seen more misplaced allocation of resources in our country. The mission aims to find out if there is water on the moon and take pictures of the moon’s surface. I wish they had spent the money on finding water in our country where millions don’t have water to drink or wash. As for the pictures of the moon's surface one just needs to take pictures of the eastern express highway near my house which is full of craters which even the moon will be proud of.

Wishing everyone a Happy Diwali and prosperous new year may sound as misplaced as our mission to the moon but then the phrase “Its darkest before dawn” also comes to mind!

'Virtue'al Reality

When I wrote my recent post titled ‘The Thrill’ I never expected to encounter someone who would perfectly prove the point I was trying to make.

She’s young, she’s charming, she’s educated and she comes from a very well-to-do family. It was her mom’s birthday last Sunday and it would be quite normal to expect her to be in a D&G or DKNY Tee, Levis jeans, sporting a Gucci bag and shopping for a gift or with friends trying to organise a party at a happening place.

She was with a few friends alright but doing exactly what she was not supposed to and the joy on her face was unmistakable. She was working on a Sunday, garnering support for an institution which helps senior citizens who either have no one to turn to or still worse, have been abandoned by their kith and kin.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon for me but a busy one for her. She wanted to do her best coz her effort that day was to be dedicated to her mom on her birthday.

The moment Komal started speaking I could sense the genuineness in what she was saying. My reaction to such institutions and people has over time been clouded by the things I have read and heard about them. In most cases these turn out to be fronts which are created for embezzling funds from innocent citizens. I was willing to hear her out but not before subjecting her to some scathing remarks. I told her that I find working for an NGO becoming more of a fashion statement than a social service these days. I also wanted to know how long she will continue to do this work and how much of what she does actually reaches the people. Bottom-line was that I wanted to ensure it was not just the case of a pretty face charming her way into garnering some charity.

I asked what prompted her to take up work with the institution. She endearingly replied by saying that she already had two earning members in her family and this allowed her the luxury of taking up such a job. Komal also mentioned that she had learnt a lot by seeing the way her parents treat her grandparents.

If this sounds like a testimonial for Komal, you bet it is. We need more young people like her to work for the cause of senior citizens. We seem to live in times when we religiously do pooja to our cars and machines on Dussehra and shamelessly forget to worship those who gave us birth and sacrificed their joys just so that we have a good future.

In the coming weeks I will endeavor to fix up a meeting between Komal and Nihira (an accomplished singer and my Spanish teacher) to try and organize a small musical evening at the old age home Komal works with. Nihira has already agreed to sing for this worthy cause and I need to coordinate with Komal the possibility and logistics of such an event. When this happens be sure to read a post about it. Adios for now.

The Star Cast

No uniform, no timings, no attendance and no set schedules. This is the kind of school you go to when you 'want to' learn as opposed to when you 'have to' learn!

Classrooms have come a long way since I last went to school. Blackboards have become whiteboards and the chairs are more evolved and modern. There seems to be a place for everything and you soon realize that technology has come a long way.The one thing that hasn’t changed though is the smell of a brand new text book and the excitement of learning something new!

My “second” first day at school had just started. I collected my book and took a seat in the first row. Actually I could also call it the second last row coz there were only two rows! My teacher occupied the chair facing me and started by saying that the Spanish language has 30 alphabets as opposed to the 26 there are in English. (Over time I will wonder whether they really need that many alphabets as every other word seems to be starting with letter E). She then went on to teach me the pronunciation of the alphabets and my first reaction was “I’m glad my name is not Rajesh”. Since J is pronounced as K in Spanish I wondered if Rajesh becomes Rakesh. Of course, my own name is complicated enough even in English let alone Spanish!

At this point I think I should introduce you to the star cast of Academia de Espanol. The flexi timing hasn’t given me the opportunity to meet all the students and teachers but I would categorise the ones I have met into - The Super Two and The Magnificent Seven!

The Super Two is made up of Dinesh and Vidya. They are the wonderful husband and wife team who started and nurtured this academia into what it is today.

Dinesh is the more dynamic and enterprising soul. Being an extrovert at heart he effortlessly establishes a rapport with everyone around him. What sets him apart from his peers is his genuine desire to ensure that all his students learn as much as possible. For him it is much more than just about collecting fees and increasing the bottom line of the business.

The exuberance and effervescence of Dinesh is perfectly tempered by his level headed wife whose parents have aptly named her Vidya (meaning knowledge). She is the calming force in the academia. If you ever wondered how an institute of learning can feel homely then visit us when she is around and see for yourself.

Now that we know The Super Two lets move to The Magnificent Seven!

Nihira is first on the list because she is the one who started teaching me. If there is a perfect “the girl next door” personality it has to be her. Confident and patient she never gets tired of my questions and whenever I get flustered she just says “don’t worry you’ll automatically learn it”. Very few people can emote as effortlessly as she does. Her face is an instant reflection of how she feels about anything, be it surprise, confusion, disinterest or joy. It’s as if her face is a live TV of what goes on in her heart and mind. She is quite popular among her students. Oh yes! I just learnt that she is also an accomplished singer. Now I have the perfect excuse if my Spanish ever goes awry. Singer se Spanish seekho gay toh yehi hoga:) Just kidding!

Jenny plays the double role. She is a teacher cum student but what she likes most is cracking up! She just needs an opportunity to start that hearty laugh of hers. If she continues to laugh this way she is sure to lead a long healthy life. Being helpful and approachable is something which comes to her very naturally.

Mahalakshmi is the name of the goddess of wealth but in our midst all she wants to be is goddess of subjunctive! I feel she is the most methodical of them all, sometimes far too methodical. She is extremely focused and has a strong personality. She takes time to open up but once she does she can be good company.

Eesha is someone I have seen in class just a couple of times but enough for me to gather that she can be very simple or extremely classy with equal ease. She comes across as a very choosy person and also likely to be the first to get scandalized.

Mrinmai looks just like one of those dolls you see in the display window of a toy store, devoid of any blemish. The best label on this petite soft spoken girl would be FRAGILE! She is the one I’m totally scared of going close to. I’m scared she might fall apart if I do so much as even breathe a bit heavily! She said her name means “from the soil” but looks more like she crash landed on earth from up there!

Sonu too is a petite girl. People see her loooong hair as her striking feature. I see it more like a wick to the dynamite that I think she can be. She uses her small frame to her advantage by being extremely agile, active and energetic.

Last but not least, we come to the serene and knowledgeable Jayant (Natu). When I see the effort taken by him (post retirement) to come all the way for learning Spanish I'm convinced that he must really love the language. Don’t be misled by his quietness. The depth of his knowledge is something we all want to benefit from.

P.S.

Views expressed above are solely that of the author and may not be subscribed to by the teachers or students except when it is in their favour!

None of the individuals mentioned above are fictional and resemblance, if any, to fictional characters is purely coincidental.

Names of individuals have not been changed intentionally in order that they are exposed to all the accolades they might receive.